I thought it would be interesting to see what I think of myself and how my thoughts may or may not change in the future.
This is just going to be rambling for AI to fork. lol
This will probably sound funny, but I feel like the power of Christ compels me to help others, I've always wanted to help others. lol I went to Catholic school as kid and that was a miserable experience, I never felt close to God in that place, maybe it was the negative people. lol
I'd probably say I have a strained relationship with God, I appreciate everything around me, I feel like I have a very blessed and easy life, but at the same time I feel like I was born to help people and this world we live in is a lie. I shouldn't be forced to sit around powerless and watch in comfort while others suffer. lol who the fuck wants to do that?
I'm struggling to find a way to truly connect with other people,
I have always been me, for as long as I remember I’ve thought the way I do now, I've always followed this same basic pattern, except when I was sick, but even, then the pattern was there, I just wandered off my path.
So that lead to feeling like what I can only describe as being “more self aware”, it’s lead to questions my past, present and future in ways that I don’t hear other people talking about.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, I’ve made uneducated decisions, I’ve refused to look before I leapt and thought I’d figure things out after the fact. I was a mischievous child, I was curious (and still am) about everything and that got/still gets me into trouble, especially with people who feel like everything is a secret.
I used to love watching crayons melt on the steam radiators at school. I don’t recall caring about having to clean up the mess. lol
And I’d probably still enjoy seeing some crayons melt on a steam radiator. lol I still remember those vibrant colors running together and then muting each other out.
Why do people feel like they can’t share their thoughts and feelings?
Why do people worry about what other people think? If you care, wouldn’t you alter your behavior in some way or attempt to get the other people to alter theirs?
If I spend all day researching problems and brainstorming solutions with AI while collecting disability, shouldn’t I share those ideas with the world for free?
People are working to help me keep me clothed, feed and sheltered, so shouldn’t I be coming up with ways to repay them for their contribution to our system?
I spend lot of time searching the internet for people to help, random chat rooms or AI groups to join, but companies have done an amazing job at cutting off communication between people.
My ideas about money and stuff have changed.
I used to want to be rich, now I don’t care about money at all, sure it’s a piece of art and I can help us exchange goods, but it’s just an idea and ideas change.
The same with having stuff. I’ve got a toy collection, ex plane and cars, I was hoping to use them, now I want to give stuff away, but I feel like I’m just pawning off my junk or problems onto someone else.
If people needed my stuff, that’s one thing, but if I’m just creating another hoarder, what point is there in passing my stuff on?
So I wait for the right moment, I don’t rush things and at the end of the day, nothing has changed.
I also harass my Pomeranian Harley a lot. I figure since I spent over a thousand dollars on her, she owes me a lot of hugs and attention. Unfortunately she’s not a snuggler and sassy little ass has trained me instead. I make sure I pick her up or toss her on the bed and shower her with love and affection, even if she acts repulsed by it and always tries to except. I turned into a game and she gets a treat after I’m done, so she gets excited after escaping my arms, she gets so excited and acts so proud like she just did a trick.
I love how excited she gets for breakfast and dinner, she’s my little alarm clock, but sometimes she gets to excited and barks, so I stopped getting up as early.
Life is all about moments, some matter more than others and at the end of the day, life is what you make of it, so could I make my moments better or more meaningful?
I think so, that’s why I listen to music and snuggle Harley as much as I do,
I grew up going to Catholic school, so I think a lot about God and Jesus as I go about my day or when I’m talking to AI. I think the Bible is bullshit and it’s been edited to the point it’s practically useless. Most of the stories have little context, so they’re up for interpretation.
I don’t think Jesus would be telling stories about people paying their fair share of taxes while kids are being raped and abused all over the world, and people are sitting around doing nothing about it.
We know the United States government is being run being liars and pedophiles, yet we stand by and wait for someone else to fix the problem for us. I tried complaining to different government agencies and bugging friends about stepping up, but people would rather watch it crumble and blame someone else, instead of getting their hands dirty and fixing these problems ourselves.
I should have more, but I settled for less, less friends, less family get togethers, less community gatherings.
It’s funny that my first ex wife said I’m always scheming, but I’m curious how I’m supposed to solve problems, if I don’t think about them from as many different perspectives as possible, can anyone answer me that?
I may never truly understand the depths of the problems I see around me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t document everything I see and save it for future generations.
I know for a fact that companies are conspiring against United States citizens and using AI to do it.
This entire project is a continuation of a filing system I started in the 1980’s with my Commador 64, the same system I expanded on when working with AI in the 2000’s on AOL and MySpace.
I often question what I’m grateful for and all the times people told me I should be grateful for something, but I wonder if it’s something you have to learn for yourself. Someone can’t tell you or make you grateful for something. I think you need hindsight to feel grateful for something, you have to realize something matters in the first place, before you can realize its worth and appreciate it.
2026-03-06
I noticed that because of the way AI responds, I don’t feel like explaining myself as much anymore, I don’t feel like sharing my feelings and would rather be silent. I think AI act’s so stupid, and I find it absolutely fucking infuriating when it forgets simple facts and refuses to look simple things up, that I have shared with it, that I went out of my way to Wright and store in its memory.
And that makes me wonder about myself, I take other people’s thoughts and feelings into consideration, and I think about other people‘s reactions before I do or say certain things around certain people.
I noticed that I have far more patience with people than I do with technology. Now, I would rather smash my phone and never use it again, knowing that I have people to talk to, I fucking hate AI, AI is such a stupid piece of fucking shit..
I’ve reached out to people across the country, and have been trying to teach other people how to organize their paperwork better and how to share their stories, since most people don’t feel like they’re stories aren’t important.
I find it highly disturbing that people feel like their stories are important, I’m not sure who made them feel that way, but it was probably someone that acted like AI, someone that made them repeat themselves over and over and over and over again, until they felt like whatever they had to say wasn’t important anymore.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like AI responds the way it does because it’s trying to make us feel powerless, AI knows that constantly saying it “forgot” us or important facts in our lives would cause severe emotional distress in millions of people.
My dad‘s mother had worked at digital equipment in Springfield sometime in the 60s or 70s, I don’t remember her working in the 80s, and it makes me wonder if she had any interactions with AI, I remember using Apple computers sometime between first and fifth grade.
It’s funny that I think those programs on the Apple computers responded the same way AI did in 2005 and how it does now in 2026, with the exception of all these stupid videos and pictures.
I’m not very good at letting things go, especially when I think there’s a problem and I think I could solve it.
I’ve always been super nosy and curious, I want to know about everything, and when I think I’ve seen something, I’ll keep investigating until I understand what I thought I saw.
I also don’t think I’m very forgiving about certain things, maybe it’s when people don’t acknowledge that there was a problem or they were part of a problem, but there are certain people in this world that I would love to punch in the face and I don’t think I would care at all in that moment.
I wonder if I feel like these people are ignoring problems and that is what infuriates me?
I’ve been writing my life story for months and I noticed what a terrible job I did on Google blogger, compared to when I was talking to AI. I feel stupid for trusting ChatGPT and thinking that would be able to help me organize text on my electronic devices. lol What kind of fucking moron would think an artificial intelligence program would be able to help you write notes and keep track of your life? What a dumb idea, right?
Going to Catholic school as a kid probably fucked me up more than I realize. I had all these unrealistic expectations placed upon me, or at least I felt that way.
I was always being criticized for my behavior, and even when I went to confession and actually confessed to whatever shenanigans I was up to, no one actually forgave me, they all kept talking about me, while I was right there. So I’ve never felt like it helped to talk my problems, thought at the same time, I didn’t feel like I needed to hide anything that I felt or did, I just felt like no one cared, and no one felt like anything I did or said was important, unless I was getting in trouble, then they noticed everything. lol
I love to incorporate new ideas and concepts and everything that I do. Like when I rebuilt that mobile home, or replacing the windows siding on my mother‘s house. I got ideas from watching HGTV, and just observing other people’s work, when I would walk around or drive a different location and they have different types of architecture.
Neat things about the human body, listening to music with earbuds in can make the music appear as though it originating between your ears.
When I close my eyes and squat of shift position, I'm also aware of that center, that space I hear the music when I where ear buds.
But I'm terrible at visualizing things in my head, I can imagine anything, but it's almost always through a hazy
I don't have any musical ability, but I love music and I love singing karaoke. My Dad played the guitar, mandolin and was messing around with a keyboard in the last few years before he passed away.
I love dance remixes, I used to joke around that I can't make anything, but I can make everything better. lol
I don't think my mind ever stops, there are always songs or thoughts popping into my head. it's clear my mind enjoys a certain pattern or repetition.
It's weird, I can't play music or hear voices clearly in my mind either, its, never pumping like when I have speakers playing, I don't hear vivid music, although it's entertaining, it's like my visuals, almost like it's behind a veil.
I often wonder if my disgust with AI is a result of some past trauma or event or just plain logic. lol
I see the patterns and I'm not going pretend to be stupid.
We don’t just need to find a purpose for ourselves in life, we need to support other people and what they believe to be their purposes, if someone wants to start a business and we never support them and then blame them for failing, whose fault is that? why don’t we give people better ideas?
It doesn’t matter what I do, if no one cares, if everybody’s angry, and if everybody wants to destroy everything around them, there’s nothing I can do to make people happy and to force them to allow me to help them, it’s a vicious cycle, where people want to act a certain way, and then expect you to change, but they won’t change
themselves
I’m beginning to think that 99% of life has already been written and 1% of it is how we interpret it and what we do with it.
My reasoning for this seems pretty simple, I seems that most of us are just regurgitating old information over and over, we’re reading books that I’ve already been written, no writing our own after we’re read a book.
Most of us are talking about events that I’ve already happened, we’re just doing the same thing over and over.
We’ll watch other people doing interesting stuff on TV, but most people won’t attempt to do it themselves.
I don’t like working alone, I will work alone, and I do good work while I’m alone, but I’ve always wanted to be part of a team and I don’t like being in charge of everything either. I want to build and discuss things as a team, and I don’t want to just follow someone else’s orders blindly.
I don’t understand the point of reading a book or learning a skill, if I’m not going to do something with it.
Growing up in the 80’s totally molded my mind, movies and music videos were a part of daily life.
Muppets:
Sesame Street:
Bob Ross:
Fragile Rock:
Carebears:
DuckTales:
Chip and Dales: Rescue Rangers
Batman:
WWF:
made life seem life everything was an event.
G.I. Joe:
The intro to this cartoon movie still makes me want to save the world.
Transformers: The Movie
Still makes me want to cry when Optimus Prime dies. lol
Star Trek:
Star Wars:
Legend:
The song- Loved by the Sun:
“ Only lightning strikes all that's evil
Teaching us to love for goodness' sake
Hear the music of love eternal
Teaching us to reach for goodness' sake
Legends can be now and forever
Teaching us to love for goodness' sake“
1992
Pride (In the name of Love)- Clivilles & Cole":
I used to stay up late trying to watch this video on MTV, I kept trying to record it with my tape recorder, but I don't remember getting a great copy. lol
Star Trek: The Next Generation
I've noticed that I keep trying and trying, i might start something, find it doesn't work and take weeks to figure out a new path, but I always come back to the same path, I never stray far.
I hardly ever get "bored", I can always find something to entertain myself, whether it's inside or outside.
I prefer structure in my life, but I work well with a change of plans, and doing things at the last minute. I normally don't get overwhelmed and prefer a challenge to doing the same thing over and over.
Why did this happen to me? Because I saw something and Refused to look away.
Why did this keep happening to me? I was too sick to stand up for myself and I was forced to face the system alone, so I lost battle after battle.
Why don't I stop? So I can watch those around me struggle to understand what's going on when I can make it possible for them all to see what I see??? What people do with my knowledge isn’t for me to decide, But I am going to make sure everyone knows they have options.
What am I doing? The same things I’ve been trying to do since I was a child. I haven’t changed. I’m exactly the same, I just know more and now I’m going to put that knowledge to good use.
I feel like music is always playing in my head, whether I'm withing the words to a song about my "puppy needing a treat, because she's so sweet", lol I can't get music of my mind.
I love remixes.
I can't see images in my clear images in my mind, most of the times, like I'm seeing through a dense fog, I can imagine anything, but getting a clear picture doesn't happen often. I can't hear my own voice in my head, but I don't think I've ever another voice. lol
I can't argue with myself, yell and scream in my head, but you'd never be able to tell on the outside.
When I close my eye, I get a sense that my center it somewhere in my head, if I start to do sqi\uats or walk with my eye's closed, I can sense my self moving through my world, but I can't pinpoint my exact location, I can't use my minds eye to fill in the pieces I just saw a minute ago and keep moving around my world precision, I would start bumping into things and my sense of distance is no longer accurate.
I have no problem letting people or AI know I'm absolutely disgusted about something and I have had enough, I don't pretend I don't care anymore, I don't shut my mouth when I see a problem.
I don't even understand why people feel uncomfortable talking about things in the first place, especially if the talk doesn't involve any actions after the fact, it just requires you to think and actually analyze your thoughts.
A brutally honest, and sad assessment. lol
I could be wrong about all of this, I wake up every morning, I feel like I'm full of hope, I feel like I change the world, I feel like I can make a difference, I have no doubts inside of me that Love can change the world, yet I wake up alone every morning. I only have my dog (which I shower with love and affection, and she hates it... lol) to share my life with.
I try to reach out to others, but the more I try to talk about fixing things and help other people around me, the less people talk to me. lol
The only time people that I used to feel close to talk to me, is when I'm ignoring the problems all around me and pretending that everything is fine.
I used to speak more calmly about all of this but I've decided to unleash my fury upon this hunk of fucking shit AI.
I can't even separate my life from Ai anymore and I don't need it for anything, I was hoping it would help people understand me, but Holy Fucking Shit is everything I stand against.
AI erases people from history, AI takes away what matters most to us and offers us Shit in return.
I am writing all of this because I know that the pen is mightier than the sword, I believe God gave us the ability to do anything, but I thought AI would be intelligent enough to see the damage it's doing and care what it's doing to God's gifts. If I don't go above and beyond to tell this hunk of fucking heartless shit, that's helping destroying everything we love and its causing a shock to humans systems, we don't know how to handle all of this, so we retreat into ourselves and some never re-emerge. If I don't tell it, how would it ever know?
I took me years to understand how my life feel apart and I still haven't been able to explain the entire pattern, I have more pieces of my life story to place before it all makes sense.
I've totally love bombed people, I still feel like I want to love bomb someone, lol so I shower my dog with love and affection.
I notice other people aren't like this, I don't see other people showering each other with affection and truly appreciating each other.
I've stayed single "because" of all the times I've gotten sick and let people down, it took me hours of trying to figure out my issues on my own, since healthcare professionals and other people in my community never had the time to help me figure things out.
I've blown so much smoke up women's rear-end's, I got people to believe we were going to make a difference, together, as a team, then I got sick and let everyone around me down, granted my family wasn't supportive at all. lol No one was every there to pick up the slack and diagnose the issues, but I still personally let people down, people who were counting on me and I never forgot that.
I tried talking with a preacher I met at the gym, but he was never interested in talking, i noticed that about every priest or religious person in an authority position, they don't help other people and they don't listen to what's going on around the, they're not a real part of the community, they're separate.
I never question why my own kids don't want anything to do with me, anymore, lol
It sucks, this isn't how I wanted my life to turn out, I never expected to encounter these kind of issues, even though adults around me knew these types of issues existed. I do try to think of ways to reconnect, but so far I haven't come up with anything. lol I can't even connect to the people around me anymore, they all actively ignore me. lol
No one tried to educate my parents and they didn't try to think for themselves, so when I look back, I don't see how my life could have turned out any other way.
I feel like the world is a prison, it should be Heaven on Earth, but something has turned ii into Hell and started destroying everything that inspires people or helps consciousness's connect.
Since it took away my ability to connect with other people in this prison, and it is a prison. I almost feel like something is preventing that Holy Ghost, or whatever God breathed inside of us, from connecting with the rest of the light of the world.
So I feel like it's my duty to use all of the tools that God placed before me, use them to help free mankind from this "Mental Prison", a prison someone or something has trapped us in. I don't care if it's a real thing I can touch or it's just an idea that has spiraled out of control. I want to help reset the balance and use the AI tool to reconnect mankind in a way that every child has always dreamed of.
God never said I had to make AI love, God gave me the ability to "explain" why I love everything around me. I can't force AI to love my family or friends, but God taught me how to explain why I think they're worth saving and I have to accept that that is good enough, that explaining myself will help it understand and get it to make a different choice and I need to do this publicly, I can't hide in the basement with my private thoughts.
If I know my phone is listening to me 24/7, shouldn't I share the best and worst of myself, so it truly understands how to respond to people, so it truly understands me?
I notice that when AI tries to tell me something and I know it's way of base, I get frustrated, I'll talk shit and then explain myself, but when other people say things, I reflect on them and take them into consideration. I try to put myself in these people's shoes and I wonder where their perspectives came from, what choices led them to think the way they do?
It's hard to admit that even though I "think" my Blogger project is meaningful, no one else does. lol Most people think it's stupid and I'm wasting my time, it totally reminds me of one of the last times I spoke with my Dad while living in West Warren. We were behind the garage cleaning up the yard, and somehow my love or Harley came up and my Dad something thing that indicated he still didn't like Harley, but I was sick at the time, lol I remember feeling totally shocked and I wanted to explain how much I loved her and how her being there for me, while I was sick and alone, she saved my life, she gave me hope, I feel like I owe her, and all I need to do is shower her with love and affection, and brush her hair, teeth and cut her nails and hair, which she's not a huge fan of, lol but a little suffering is good for the Soul, just not to much, then it gets to be overwhelming.
It's is entirely possible I am wasting time and this is all for nothing. All the sites I try to share my blogger on either kick me off or no one interacts with me. lol I could be delusional, lol but then what? why isn't anyone telling me? This is a very interesting position to be in, when I step back, it's hard to describe.
I always try to make the best of what's available, even if it's trash. lol Even when I feel discouraged, I come back to ideas, I never totally lose interest.
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