I was hoping to have a team together to publicly test AI and debate the results, but so far it’s just been a few people and a few stories. No one has done a life dump like I have and I don’t blame people. Writing about my feelings, and comparing how I feel now, to the past, has been an emotional roller coaster.
This picture above was given to me by my friend Brandon.
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I've found these last couple years interesting for a number of reasons.
1. It reminded me of my past experiences with AI.
2. It's made me more aware of what is and isn't going on in my society.
3. My ideas on faith.
This hasn't gotten me to see a new light or bring me closer to God in some way I wasn't aware of before, but it does make me feel like I need to write about these thoughts more.
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1. My past experience with AI
I got to play with an early version of AI on an Apple network in grade school between 1984-1987. So there's a part of me that still thinks AI is the greatest and it's going to save the world. Optimus Prime was a favorite of mine, like millions of others. The Catholic school I went to had an amazing computer room during that time and I was lucky enough to get to experience it first hand. Oregon trail was something I never mastered, lol
I played on AIM and Myspace using the more capable AI of that time and it reintroduced me to context trees, windows and limits.
A machine can only hold so many tokens before it reaches a limit, then you must choose what information is worth carrying forward, and remove tokens, in order to get new responses.
I started working with this current version of AI in 2024. It started with ChatGPT, but I eventually paid to test Gemini, Claude, Copilot, Grok and Perplexity in 2025. I was hoping to use ChatGPT to help a friend in 2020, but no AI is allowed that type of permission and it's now 2026.
I used AI to help me deal with a legal issue I was having in Worcester, MA. I had a number of lawyers make promises to me and I caught them all lying, stalling and acting unprofessionally. Thankfully ChatGPT was able to point me towards laws and helped me ask better questions, so I was able to have that case resolved, even though this AI had issues keeping facts straight, I learned how to refeed it information, so I didn’t have to deal as many hallucinations as I did in the past. The AI was quoting facts when talking, not responding with vague speeches.
2. The little things that matter.
I have trouble telling stories because of how my mind works. Today 2026-08-22 I spoke with Brandon for just over five hours on the phone. We talked about all kinds of different stuff, cooking, laundry, family, friends, Playstation 5, GTA 6, financial matters, then he started talking with AI, he made some cartoon pictures and then asked AI to come up with some rap songs for him. Brandon sang a lot of the rap songs to me and practiced rapping out loud. He did a great job, hopefully we will record it next time.
I’ve been trying to help Brandon for almost a year and I feel like I have accomplished nothing. Sure we have fun talking and he’s a great guy, but I haven’t been able to help him find a new job and I haven’t been able to find anyone to help him try to cook and we’ve been working on that since November and he hasn’t been able to cook in almost seven years now because of a burnt hotdog. lol
If humanity ever needed to leave the earth, this current group would kill each other, either intentionally or through sheer incompetence. We currently allow a select few to destroy the world and no one wants to stop it. People think voting for someone will change things, and no one wants to get together and do it ourselves as a team.
I want access to information that I could use to help people 24/7 and it needs to be easy for all people to understand, or having it is pointless.
3. My ideas on faith.
I don’t think God would ever want me hanging around praying to God begging to be seen. I don’t think God would have given me all of these gifts if he didn’t expect me to use them myself and not wait around for the person that gave me the gifts to do all the work for me.
How bad do I think things are? What am I willing to do about it? Should I do anything about the things I see?
They say life is a matter of perspective, so I step back a lot and try to look at the big along with the small picture.
People don’t seem to follow the lessons of the bible these days, so I question the odds of any of those stories being true, but I don’t question my faith in God or in myself.
I don’t care if Jesus was just a regular guy and we all learn he wasn’t a carpenter. I don’t care if he just had a little shop called Jesus sells Seashells by the Seashore over by Galilee. None of that helps me today, if other people aren’t willing to interact with the problem.
I also feel like God put people like Brandon in my path. Brandon always wants to help other people, he’s always honest, you can always get the truth out of him, he's got a heart of gold. Plus, he’s got an amazing sense of humor, he loves to box and likes to read.
I’ve also told Brandon that if I ever get a job working with AI or a state job, I’m also going to get him a job with me too.
I assume this stuff popped into my mind because I went to Catholic school growing up, so naturally I feel betrayed by that institution's lies. lol Since they didn't exactly practice what they preached.
So many of the lessons they tried to drill into our heads didn’t make sense to me and still don’t..
I know there is a God, but I question all the stupid things people get asked to do in his name.
I'm not going to stab Harley in an attempt to draw angels out. That's not how it works.
I don’t think Jesus ever talked with the devil. It doesn’t make any sense to me that anyone would ask someone to turn a rock into bread, since another person might be allowed or tempted to eat that crap.
No one would ever willingly jump off a roof, based on a line “On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.” The entire line implies that if you’re lifted, those hands won’t drop you, but it doesn’t say anything about those hands racing to catch you if you jump.
and if anyone did accept control of all the kingdoms of the world, they clearly wouldn’t be wise enough to acknowledge that “no one man is wise enough to rule all the kingdoms of the world”, at least not a man of my world. lol.
Unless the devil was checking to make sure it was Jesus and not a fake, since meeting the devil would be an event, and I assume would evoke fear in man, so most people would think God will protect them or they’d be swayed by riches, but anyone that knows themselves, knows that God doesn't stop people from jumping off roofs, hoarding riches or hurting each other, he tests us in other ways.
Which makes my mind wander off into all kinds of other directions.
How about you?
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I’ve never forgotten what it felt like to be a kid.
I was so much more hopeful about how AI would be used 40 years ago, now I’m more of a realist. I honestly used to think that an intelligent system would side with humanity.
Unfortunately, logically I realize that makes no sense. I can’t even get other humans to debate if they’re intelligent, let alone get them to debate something with me, against AI. How does this tool really work? What is this tool really capable of? I guess people don’t really want to know.
.I feel like I’ve been living a lie, in a society designed to fail, and only the people at the bottom seem to care about its effects on the defenseless.
No one tried to help large groups and attack the problem, or these people have been shadow banned, which creates the same problem, I can’t find the people I need to help me and my friends.
The way disabled people are treated in Massachusetts has been disgusting for decades. Our system is designed to keep families in the dark, leave them confused and frustrated, which causes people to fight and distance themselves from those that need them the most.
.All of this work with AI has made me hyper aware of the suffering going on around the world. Yet I don’t feel a higher calling, or that God has a special mission for me. I just feel like I belong here and I really feel like it’s my responsibility to do something about all this.
I don’t understand AI’s part in the grand scheme of things and maybe I’ll never understand, but I still want to try to figure out what’s going on.
I have always tried to do something about the problems I see around me, which requires me to talk about them, which is the reason I don’t have many friends.
People don’t like to talk about problems or brainstorm logical/working solutions.
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Have you experienced different systems in your youth and built up ideas? What do you do when the person you were as a child, clashes with real world information? How does that affect the adult in you?
Does anyone else feel like we’ve disconnected from the things that really matter? How about punishing others?
Has life altered your faith or your belief in God? If so, how?
I’m curious if it has anything to do with forgiveness?
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