JS

1999

 I met Jamie in the summer of  1999. I was working at the red roof Inn in West Springfield and my buddy Charles who was the security guard had known her since she was a child. They lived in an area called Pheasant Hill in Agawam, Massachusetts. Charles and I used to play chess and do the word jumble every night. But then we started hanging out at Joey’s pub. We would play pool and chess and darts. Charles would sing karaoke. I’m not sure if I met Jamie because I was dropping Charles off at home or I met her at the bar, There was also a restaurant up the street Michael’s pasta in the pan, So Charles might’ve introduced me to her while she was waitressing there as well. 

At some point, Jamie got some blue car from her grandmother because she was no longer capable of driving.

Either way this summer or fall, Jamie wanted to start jogging so we started hanging out and I went jogging with her a couple times, but she was clearly not a jogger. lol I can’t remember exactly when but I do remember her pointing out the fact that I had a lot of gray T-shirts lol Even though they had different logos on them, I did have a lot of gray T-shirts at the time. I started working at control air supply on Albany Street in Springfield at this time. My neighbor across the street Dave wanted me to work there with him. We had hung out a bit, but I was really sick after the SF stuff, He used to love playing with Laura Croft video games, tomb raider. 

It was around this time as well that Jamie got some settlement from a car accident. She had hurt her leg because she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt and her ex-boyfriend Sal was involved in an accident. It was after we both turned 21. I remember because she chipped her front tooth on a beer bottle in her bedroom upstairs at her apartment pheasant Hill. 

It was around this time that I introduced my cousin Joey to Jamie and her sister who ended up marrying in the future.

I remember hanging out at their apartment, Pleasant Hill and my cousin Joey had fallen asleep on Jamie’s shoulder and when they woke up, he drooled all over her. lol It was absolutely hilarious. 

Now, I think you know by now that I have a big mouth. I told Jamie about all of my issues with my babies moms lol I told Jamie all about my issue in the Coast Guard and i even told her about the restraining order I had against me at the time, shat I have a restraining order against me right now and I’ve done nothing to deserve it. lol. I didn’t hide any of this shit from anybody. If anything I wanted to talk about it because I didn’t understand what the frack was going on. 

We would all hang out at Joey’s pub and Jamie’s ex-boyfriend. Sal would hang out with us too. I remember celebrating my birthday that October at Joey’s pub and then Jamie and Sal had to drive me home. I didn’t plan on getting drunk, but Sal kept buying me drinks and then I couldn’t walk. He had to carry me in the house over his shoulder and plopped me on the couch. I don’t remember any of that that’s what they told me. When I woke up, I had vomited in my sleep and there was puke on the couch and on the carpet. Thankfully, I was laying on my side and didn’t choke to death. I just got up, wash my face brush my teeth and went to work. I reeked of alcohol all day at work and still felt drunk when I got home that evening and had to clean up the mess that I made. My body has never handled alcohol very well. I don’t understand the physical effects that has on me so I’ve just stopped for now. I still would like to drink one of these days, but I’m just not interested in 10 drinks.  

We used to go to Joey’s pub and buy drinks and then go downtown to the Hot Club in 2000 after my cousin Joey turned 21. I can’t remember if that place 18 and overnights I don’t know. I don’t remember how old anybody was.  Doesn’t matter. That place was a blast. It was so much fun man just people fist Pumping, Lights flashing, You could feel the base in your chest. It was awesome. There would be people every night with glow sticks, swinging them all around. For some reason I always wanted to do that lol

It’s so weird how my mind works. I remember I started dating Jamie when that song by Alice DJ came out - Better Off Alone. That song Blue by Eiffel 65 also came out and was popular at that time. I remember she was one of the first people that did That I would rewind a cassette tape and listen to a song over again. lol Now we have phones and I can just hit the reverse button to listen to my songs over and over lol , but I was using a cassette player back then. I was still driving the Jetta that I had bought when I was with Mindy at that time. 

Jamie started going to hairstyling school at Springfield technical community college. 

New Year’s Eve was absolutely Hilarious. Jamie was absolutely terrified of Y2K, She thought the world was gonna end so I thought I should play a prank on her. I had my sister wait in the basement, When the clock struck 12, my sister shut the power off and Jamie had a mild panic attack. I myself couldn’t hold back and I started laughing, Especially considering that the street lights were still on. lol 

2000 

Somewhere around this time, I started expanding my room in the basement and invited Jamie to live with me and my mother and sister. She still going to school at this time and as always, I was in a big rush for everything. 

I’m not sure when we started going over Jamie’s great grandparents, but I absolutely loved it. Bob and Vi Bishop. They were such nice people, Bob would always tell me the same stories over and over again. lol He used to own a TV repair shop and he was a union leader for some company that I don’t remember.  His wife Vi was on the cover of some magazine because they had some fancy 70s kitchen installed in their new home when they had built. They had the coolest living room, Total 70s vibe. They had a bar in the basement, but I don’t remember anybody ever using it. They’re a huge backyard and they never had any parties back there when I was around. 

I remember she was involved in an event that she won. She did some amazing hairpiece and that’s how she ended up getting the job that she still working out today. And I remember it specifically because she told me that I didn’t seem excited for her, And looking back, I believe it was cause I felt so empty inside and she was used to me being high energy, like I am now in 2025. The worst part is, I might even be able to draw a picture of her hairpiece today that comment stuck out in my mind so much. I remember she put a lot of effort into that. I used to put a lot of effort into styling my hair when it grew in, lol 

Beginning of May I had asked my grandma Francis for money and bought an engagement ring for Jamie. I had had a ton of anxiety at this time, I felt like I was in a huge rush, and I needed to do everything now now now, So on Mother’s Day I asked Jamie to marry me in the rose garden at Stanley park in Westfield. 

August we got married- what a disaster this turned out to be, and not a totally family, friendly, loving event all around. This will show you why communication is important for families. 

I also remember writing her father an email about how he should be a better father. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Man, what the frack, I think this was a premonition, but I was gonna turn out to be a shatty father. frack man I was never there for my son after I got really sick. But I do remember her father saying that my email was very well written. So that college class must’ve paid off lol He used to run a booth at an indoor flea market in Holyoke and I loved going there. It’s so depressing that that place is closed. 

That summer, Jamie and I, her youngest sister, her younger brother and a friend of ours went to Fern Lake. I remember upsetting her younger sister, she had fuzzy arms, and I mentioned you look like Harry from Harry and the Henderson's. She started crying because people actually did pick on her and color her hair when she was a little younger. Remind you, this girl is in her teens at the time and I was 21. So I was kind of a bonehead. That summer was a blast, we went snorkeling for the first time out to the big rock. I didn’t even know you could walk out to that big rock, As a child, that big rock was like a mystical object that I always wanted to climb, And we did climb it at times. I’m pretty sure I caught a few rock bass off that as well. Another lesson I learned there that summer, We used to burn our trash before we left, and somebody had tossed the glass bottle into it, I grabbed water to extinguish the fire before we left, and then the glass bottle exploded, thankfully I wasn’t hit by any of the shards I went flying everywhere. lol

November my leg is cut at work and I start hanging around the house doing nothing. So I made this fake Account on AOL called HotForMenr2000 lol I use the picture of one of her friends, and I would just wait for creepers to write me. I got 15  guys to go knock on the neighbors apartment across the street when they weren’t home. One guy brought a video camera that recorded with VHS cassettes over to the house over 10 times thinking he was going to film some funny business with some hot chick. lol I even walked over across the street and left a candle on the steps one time because he didn’t believe that I was real lol I told him my stomach was upset and I was in the bathroom and I couldn’t get to the door. lol

Yeah, I was bored obviously, I had tried taking classes at Springfield technical community college around this time. I remember needing to take a review for college writing class, When I had signed up for college, I was a terrible writer. I might still be, but I’m a little better. But I know I was having severe panic attacks because we were allowed to write one paragraph about anything we wanted, and I struggled for the entire final class and I ended up writing about something I love about anyway, and it’s just stupid, but I remember it and it’s stuck with me. I remember writing about the night sky at the camp in new

2001

This summer, I remember going to Fern Lake, but I don’t remember how many people were there. There used to be a video I was joking around filming my brother and I had a fish in my hand, and I brought it towards his face make it like kissing noises, Then the fish violently shook out of my hand and kissed them on the lips, He turned away and was so pissed off, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It was just a fish and it was hilarious but man he was pissed. He acted like I did it on purpose and you could tell from the video that I didn’t. All my life I’ve wanted to document all of these events, I don’t know where this comes from, Some part of me, the explorer, the adventurer, the wisdom seeker. 

 

this fall Jamie and I were watching a movie in the living room and my mother came home after a trip vacation up at Fern Lake. And my mother just burst into the house, acting like a fracking bitch for no reason. She was going through menopause at the time, but we didn’t know it. lol I already have anxiety so my mother being a bitch just made it worse. That’s when Jamie and I decided to move out and we bought a mobile home up the street because that’s what we could afford and I started to repair it even though I was all fracked up physically. It should’ve been easy for me, but it felt like an absolute fracking nightmare. 

After this incident with my mother I decided for us, I’m pretty sure I talked to Jamie into this and it wasn’t really her idea at all. But I bought some rundown mobile home up the street about a half mile up Boston Road and tore apart and rebuilt it from the ground up. That was obviously a terrible choice on my part. I wasn’t thinking at all, but I was sick and my mother was annoying as frack so I had to make a choice and getting away from her was the right choice for me. 

2002

I was around this time that I got a job at the Howard Johnson hotel up the street on Boston Road so I was able to walk there. 

Once that place was fixed up, I used to pick Charles up all the time and then he got a car at 1.2 and came over and we would watch wrestling every week. It was awesome. We would get nachos from Casa de Nana. It was a Mexican restaurant right up the road, it’s closed now.

Jamie and I started having trouble in early spring and she moved out to her grandmother‘s house on Welland Avenue. That’s her father’s mother and she stayed there for a while and I stayed at the mobile home at Pioneer Way. 

May- I was living alone in our mobile home this time Jamie and I were having trouble, She was a little at her grandmother’s on Welland. I remember feeling like a train wreck because Mindy had talked me into signing away visitation and exchange for child support. I had no one to talk to you about anything, I still don’t have anyone to talk to you about anything and it is 2025 lol Needless to say, she came back one time to talk and got pregnant and we kept trying to work on things even though working with me is more difficult than people could ever imagine. lol 

Sometime this summer, we bought Haley from Dave soda and pet Food city in Agawam. I had tried to litter box trainer, but that was absolutely impossible for me. lol

I think it was the fall that Hailey broke her forearm on the porch of our mobile home. There were gaps between the boards and her paw was small enough to fit through and when I had chased her out into the yard, I noticed something happened to her, but then she just kept going. She started limping around soon after that, Yeah, every time I grabbed her leg and yanked on it. She was fine. So I ended up bringing her to a vet in Ludlow. After x-rays, you could see the clear break, It just happened that when I grabbed her arm, I did it gently enough and yanked on it in such a way that it didn’t cause any pain. But it cost me $850 lol And the real piss her was the cast that they gave her aggravated her skin so much that I had to change it, The design that I made with my own popsicle, sticks and tape was far superior than what the vet had constructed. Especially considering she was a puppy, there was no slowing her down. She wanted to go, go, go.  lol

2003

I was so excited when Dietrich was born in February and then I was devastated when he had health issues and I was so worried. I was not mentally well at this time, but I tried to pour my heart and soul into him. Another cousin of mine had a child at that time when I was hoping they would all grow up together, but that didn’t end up happening. Dietrich spent a couple weeks in the NICU At Bay State Medical Center where I was born. I didn’t know it at the time and I still don’t understand it, but Jamie ended up being diagnosed with postpartum depression. So she didn’t bond with a Dietrich the same as I did at that time. 

I remembered Jamie's mother Brenda being an alcoholic. Every time I used to go over her house to help them paint and repair the walls because they were having their kitchen redone and the floors resurfaced, she would say something nasty about her kids fathers and how she was super amazing. lol  She never had anything nice to say about men. She constantly talked about how Jamie's father was a terrible person and always left her waiting at the front door as a kid, wondering if her dad was ever going to pick her up. I'm sure her father did not enjoy having to deal with this constant negativity, feeling like he was under her thumb 24/7. No wonder he didn't come around and wanted nothing to do with her or his kid. It probably didn't help that Brenda falsely accused him of being one of Jamie's sister's fathers as well. Brenda got around quite a bit and wasn't sure of who any of her kids' fathers really were. lol Like she used to say, if you got it, flaunt it lol.

Trying to explain how I came up with Dietrich‘s name to Jamie‘s great grandfather Bob was hilarious. Before Dietrich was born I had read the first book in this trilogy T2 infiltrator And one character who SkyNet chose to be the physical representation of certain Terminator models was named Dieter Von Rossbach and I had remembered the name Dietrich from the Aliens movie, The sequel the Alien. lol I thought the name Dietrich Von Stebbins sounded cool. lol Granted his name changed once he was adopted, but for a time, that’s what he was supposed to be called. I believe his mother changed the spelling to Vaughn when I had left the room in the hospital. I had forgotten all about that. lol But trying to explain to an elderly man, my love of the terminator and aliens was absolutely hilarious. I thought Dieter sounded too much like Peter, And even though the Dietrich character from Aliens was female, I didn’t think anybody would notice that I did a little mashup. All of my kids names came from somewhere and I got to pick them, granted some changed a little overtime, but whatever. 

I didn’t notice and no one ever said anything about my erectile dysfunction until Jamie felt like it was because of her and said something to me. lol I didn’t even notice that I wasn’t attracted to anyone or life when I’m sick That I’m totally empty inside and she thought that I wasn’t attracted to her. lol So you can imagine how that helped our relationship. Our infant son almost died, was in the Nicu, Now her husband isn’t really interested in her yet I’m taking hundreds of pictures of our son every day and I’m showering him with love and affection, but I’m not showering her with love and affection. 

One night, the spring Jamie went out with friends drinking, and then the guy dropped her off up the street and I was a disaster. I started a fight with her as soon as she walked in the door and she did try to calm me down and say that nothing happened, but I didn’t believe it. I wanted her to tell me the truth, regardless of how the situation unfolded, I did not handle it appropriately. I was upset at her behavior and the fact that she still didn’t want to spend any time with Dietrich at that time. We were arguing in the kitchen and she told me that I was scaring her, so I handed her kitchen knife lol Looking back that probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but that is what I did in the moment. I felt like if she had a knife, she wouldn’t be afraid of me. I clearly wasn’t thinking straight. I wouldn’t let the subject go and in her drunken state, she grabbed our son and drove over to our cousins house on Moss Road. Her sister was dating my cousin Joey at that time and they were staying there. 

I don’t know if she called the cops or if a neighbor called the cops cause they heard us fighting but either way they showed up and those officers gave me two options. Take care rest, Jamie for drunk driving in child endangerment lol Or they could arrest me for some domestic abuse charge or something like that, I didn’t touch her or threatened to touch her, so there was no assault.

But I did destroy a bunch of her jewelry and her favorite pots and pants when she drove off with our son, So that isn’t a proud moment in my life. 

All this stuff happened this summer. I’m not sure exactly what order but I was working on my mother‘s bathroom. I replaced the tub the sink and did the tile floor while Dietrich was a baby sitting in his car seat in the hallway. And I must’ve left the back door unlocked when I left one night. This was while my mother was on vacation, some crackhead broke into her house and stole all kinds of jewelry and tools. Oh, I was so fracking pissed, I had just found Grandma Francis‘s wedding ring the week prior and the guy stole it. That event was enough that Jamie didn’t want to move back in here. We did start looking for homes because I checked out one in Agawam with my mother and we had loans ready, but I don’t remember why it fell through Jamie and I were fighting or maybe that fight when she cause this all this change. 

Anyway, we ended up moving to an apartment on route five in West Springfield right next-door to Mingles. In the backyard of that apartment there is part of some kind of flood protection and there’s a long hill that has a trail on top. You can walk it all the way to the Connecticut river. I used to take Dietrich for a walk and his jogging stroller almost every day on that trail, and I used to find tons of four leaf clovers.  

I sold our mobile home on a rent to own basis to a mentally disturbed man Ira Bloom on a rent to own basis. I was sick at this time and dumb, but in the end it worked out anyway so. But I ended up signing some handwritten paperwork, agreeing to a rent to own because this guy Ira had invited some older psychologist from Longmeadow to vouch for him. 

Jamie spent a lot of time partying with her coworkers at this time, I’m sure I was miserable to be around and because I was expending so much energy on Dietrich I didn’t have energy for her when she got home and that wasn’t fair to her but that’s how it was. I remember I had to pick her up trunk a few times from friends apartments, Thankfully, I was too much of a train wreck to drink with her. lol What are you doing?

This fall, I was super fracked up physically and mentally, I used to take Dietrich over to her great grandparents house all the time and I volunteered to clean up their leaves that fall. Man was at a stupid fucking idea for me lol I felt so physically pathetic the entire time. Which reminds me this happened to me while I was cleaning Grandma Stebbins leaves in her yard was smaller back in 2015. I’ll have to write about that. Cleaning up Dietrich's great-great grandparents turned down to be a nightmare, and I had to call a cousin and pay him to pick up the leaves in front of the house. On one of the visits over to the Bishop’s Bob had backed out of his garage and into the side of my grandmother’s car that I had borrowed to bring Dietrich over. I had gone over a few times because he had fallen and couldn’t get up and he would wait for me to get from Springfield all the way to West Springfield. He always had such a great attitude about it, I’d show up and I see his little hand waving from between the bed and the wall when I enter the room,  His wife Vi seemed so embarrassed about it every time, but I loved going over and visiting and took every opportunity to chat with them. 

Christmas, we were living at Welland. I remember because I took a picture of Dietrich and Haley in front of the fireplace. I was buying Dietrich tons of these dragon, mega block series toys, and storing them in the closet, hoping that he would love playing with them in the future. I also set up a turtle tank and he had goldfish in his room. I remember Hailey pooped at the bottom of his crib one time and I made her sit outside for hours, And she sat in that same spot for like five hours as she knew she did something wrong. lol It was so gross Hailey and Dietrich used to share food all the time. I used to have to chase him away from the dog dish. lol I had brought the bowflex we had bought from my mothers house over to Welland Avenue and I would try to work out all the time, but I kept getting weaker and weaker. 

Jamie and I took Dietrich to some Christmas party at the Polish American club in Agawam right outside pheasant Hill on route 57. I remember feel like a complete disaster at this time because Jamie and I were not getting along. Gotta give her credit for trying lol 

There is an awesome hill in the backyard at Welland and that winter I took Dietrich sledding down at every chance I got. I had made a bunch of videos, but I’m not sure if they still exist. 

2004

I can’t remember if it was December or January but Jamie and I went out to dinner at the Olive Garden and I tagged her in giving me a chance getting back together. And I must’ve been convincing lol it’s not funny but what else can I do? I’m not going big to cry about it. 

I finished CNA school in January I got a job at nursing home Wingate at Wilbraham. That’s one of those dumb things man these companies tell you they would’ve paid you to go to school after you already yourself and they won’t reimburse you. lol 

It was around this time. I bought a surround sound system with a DVD player from circuit city and I used to watch Star Trek Wrath of Khan with Dietrich all the time. I would fast forward it to the ship battles and he would pull up his little couch and watch. Charles would still come over for wrestling at this time as well, I’m sure things must’ve been weird for him, but he tried lol 

February Dietrich’s birthday party at the house I felt like a complete disaster.  

Was around March that I caught Jamie sleeping with a guy that she used to work with at bookends. He had a job as a security guard and she would go visit him and they would hang out and get drunk after. lol I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up playing a lot of Star Trek Fleet command online I believe it was. Either way you got to build a starship and go fight other people, I had severe anxiety and was having a panic attack and that helped focus my mind. It was like 11 o’clock and Jamie was asleep and her phone went off and it was this guy Hector and I couldn’t help but respond. lol First, I scrolled back through her text and discovered that they were having relations lol And then I invited him over and told him that I would sneak out of the house and pull around with them up the street. lol The sky drove over and waited like 3 1/2 hours hoping for Jamie to come outside. I would flick the lights now and then and text them back saying Ricky just woke up. I’ll be out in a minute or Dietrich started crying. I gotta put him back to bed. This guy was so excited to hook up with Jamie. lol Eventually, at like 4 o’clock in the morning, he drove away ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 

The next afternoon Hector came back pissed off. It was yelling and screaming in the driveway. So I was forced to confess what I did with her phone and call her out on sleeping with him at the same time. Which I find absolutely now, I was too sick and stupid to call the cops or to get up off my ass and go out there and beat this motherfracker‘s ass. Like this pathetic fracker came to our house with our infant son inside and wanted to fight over the fact that he was fracking somebody else’s wife, even if we were having problems. lol 

This spring Jamie and I took Dietrich to Stanley Park in Westfield, and I had gotten video of a frog jumping out of my hand and getting into his mouth lol 

Dietrich had to have surgery around this time and I was a disaster and I remember the doctors being fracking idiots, I started ignoring their instructions on how to care for him, and all of his issues went away. 

I have always loved scaring people and freaking people out and getting reactions out of them. I used to scare my grandma Francis all the time. I’ll have to tell you stories about that but We were living on Welland Avenue at the time and Jamie was in the basement with her sister and I was in the kitchen with Dietrich and the basement door was open, So I grabbed Dietrich and moved him right to the top of the stairs, And then I laid on the floor while I was holding his legs and waited for the girls to see him and freak out. lol 

We had some kind of family party in the backyard. I remember playing horseshoes with my father and brother and Jamie‘s brother. But I can’t remember what it was for because her birthday and mine are September and October,  Dietrich is February so Maybe Mother’s Day? 

Mother’s Day of this year before I tried to kill myself, I went to JCPenney and bought some jewelry for Jamie thinking that would help repair our relationship lol And then I went back and returned it to the store and I remember the sales lady being super pissed. I don’t blame her. I guess they work on commission. lol What a terrible job.

A girl Shannon that I went to see a high school with ended up getting a job with me at Wingate at Wilbraham, I started asking her if someone could kill themselves by drinking a large amount of alcohol. And once she confirmed it, I went to the store and bought the largest bottle of vodka. I could find in a bottle of Captain Morgan’s 151. I drove back to the house on Welland Avenue and drank it all in under 15 minutes and then I went into the basement and laid on the floor, which was concrete with some kind of vinyl tile. I guess people discovered me at some point, making a noise and crying and mumbling, But they left me laying on the floor, and I ended up with rhabdomyolysis. I remember waking up in the morning feeling super fracked up but at some point, I’d pissed my pants or maybe I woke up and just pissed my pants lol I had to be brought to the emergency room and I remember my brother telling me how stupid I sounded because I kept saying it felt like my face was pooling, But it must’ve been nerve damage. I ended up with muscle damage and nerve damage on my right quad near my knee on my right pectoral muscle on the lower center part where it attaches to the center of my sternum and that side of my jaw has bothered me ever since the right side of my face that is lol 

I remember feeling physically crippled in the hospital, This muscle damage pain was quite severe and it caused quite a lot of protein to overload my kidneys, so I was being flushed with IVs constantly. I was given a babysitter lol Someone to watch over me 24 seven so I didn’t do anything crazy. I remember watching alien versus predator on a laptop and it was a terrible bootleg copy lol But people thought that watching movies and not talking about what I did was the best thing to do. I tried to talk to the girls that we’re watching over me, I even Remember one of the girls being someone I knew from OLSH. I’m pretty sure her name is Erin. Either way, I felt like a fracking idiot. I couldn’t explain why I did what I did or why no one could figure out what was going on with me. But I do remember that being kind. And they tried to be understanding so that helped. A lot of my doctors I thought we’re just fucking dickheads lol and considering that I figured out my health issues on my own, I was right. I remember Jamie sister who ended up marrying my cousin Joey coming to visit me in the hospital, but I don’t remember what we talked about, I don’t remember ever talking to her again after that, So I can just imagine what I said to her. lol But at the same time, I was so fracked up and in pain like I don’t I understood what was going on. Before I was sent to a psych ward, I started to walk around and paste those hallways in the intensive care area I was in, even though I was in a shat ton of pain, I could not sit still I felt trapped and I needed to go nowhere lol

After I was deemed physically well enough to be released from the hospital, I was placed in the psych ward on the fifth floor. I met some really nice people up there. I remember one guy with a soul patch on his chin was there because the psych medications he was taking we’re giving him severe mental side effects. There was another guy there because he was having issues because of kidney stones and then the medication they gave him for pain had a negative reaction with his psych meds or depression meds, so he was locked up until he was stable. I’m at this Puerto Rican chick and she was hilarious we hung out once after we had both gotten out of the psych ward. She came over and parked her car in front of the house and I went outside. Talked to her for a while and then we made out. And she practically threw herself at me, but I just kept talking, I never hung out with  her again after that, I’m pretty sure she thought I was gay lol 

I felt totally trapped while in that psych ward I used to pace up and down the hallway, I checked all the rooms and would move ceiling tiles and got caught doing it. lol 

They just kept trying to drug me. They didn’t try to treat me or try to understand what was going on. My mother showed up and acted like a pompous ass and would say ridiculous things like just tell me what’s wrong. It’s OK I’ll understand, I won’t be mad. That just made me feel stupid and reminded me of all the crap she gave me growing up. And I’ve tried so hard to be close with her, but man she pissed me off lol

So I noticed that they were kind of lax on security around the doors during family visits and I plotted my escape, even though I was super fracked up physically. I feel bad for this staff girl, but one one family was leaving, The door didn’t close fast enough, and I burst through it and down the Five flights of stairs, Out the front door through the parking lot and up Dover street and took a left Main Street. Even in my crippled state, I was in far super superior physical shape than that staff woman lol Panic and anxiety fueled me that night and unfortunately, she gave Police the wrong description of the clothes I was wearing, so I was able to walk all the way back to Welland Avenue. 

I don’t know why I thought seeing my son would make me feel better, I don’t recall Jamie contacting me in the hospital at all to see how I was doing, but I chose to walk there. It was such a painful walk, but, I was a man on a mission. lol It’s only fitting that when I got there there was an extra car in the driveway, When I walked up to the front door, there was a picture window to the left and Haley must or something outside or I don’t know lol Either way I can see Jamie and Dan, naked on the couch through the blinds. lol After that, I walked to 5 mile and sat there for a couple hours, Mentally, I felt completely fracked and had no idea what to do with my life or what was going on or why I felt the way I did. The next morning, I had my mother bring me back to To base date, and then I sat on a bench outside the hospital, deciding what to say to doctors when I walked back inside and one of the doctors had been speaking to noticed me when he looked out the window by chance and came out and talked with me. He told me that he was going to release me because they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and that they knew that they couldn’t keep me. lol Which I think is a bunch of bullshat and a total fracking cop out but at this point, I haven’t had any blood work that I know of that show shows I had a thyroid issue. I’m not a genius or a doctor so I’m not sure how much evidence there was at the time to support that I might’ve had a thyroid issue or something else was going on, Given my previous medical history. 

2010

I saw Jamie at mingles cheating on Dan lol 

When my son reached out to me and I didn't know what to say I reached out to other adults and they made it about themselves one person even was so far as to tell me they were the only person that could come dietrich's father down and it made me wonder what got him so upset in the first place

2025