Work in Progress
The beginning of 2003 was rough my cousin Brian Stebbins died, he was the only forty years old. I hadn't seen since the 1998/1999 at that Chinese food buffet in West Springfield in the plaza at the corner of Memorial Ave and Union St Exd , I felt so grateful that I'm the kind of guy that's willing to invite myself to sit with you if you don't mind. lol
They held is wake in West Springfield at Toomey O'Brien funeral Home 1043 Westfield St and then a bunch of the family went back to the Agawam sportsman's club to celebrate his life.
This was the last time I remember hanging out with Lisa, James, Misty and Amber Strong. I was so excited listening to Lisa talk about how she planned on coming back to Massachusetts and fixing up the sportsman's club, she told me her Dad owned it, but was having trouble financially. I can't remember if he was behind on or if people owed him money but she was excited to back and help him sort everything out. There are probably 50 people at the Sportsman's Club that day and Lisa sticks out because I got to meet her murderer at this event. I honestly don't remember anything alarming about this gentleman, I have a vague memory, I'm thinking that he had a funny outfit on, I don't know. lol Maybe he had some kind of matching pattern outfit, Like my mother used to buy me in the 90s. lol
This event was the second to last time that I would ever see Misty Dawn Strong, she was such a Spitfire, She would always brighten a room and she was always ready for an adventure. I'm always reminded of playing at their grandparents in West Springfield and going camping and jumping on the trampoline their dad Phil Strong would bring.
I Loved going there, I got to shoot guns, we get to go fishing there, They had a little trout pond there. The club's been torn down, there are some apartments in that spot on Corey St on Agawam and the little square pond is now off of Sabrina Wy.
February
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I was so excited when Dietrich was born in February and then I was devastated when he had health issues and I was so worried. I was not mentally well at this time, but I tried to pour my heart and soul into him. Another cousin of mine had a child at that time when I was hoping they would all grow up together, but that didn’t end up happening. Dietrich spent a couple weeks in the NICU At Bay State Medical Center where I was born. I didn’t know it at the time and I still don’t understand it, but Jamie ended up being diagnosed with postpartum depression. So she didn’t bond with a Dietrich the same as I did at that time.
I remembered Jamie's mother Brenda being an alcoholic. Every time I used to go over her house to help them paint and repair the walls because they were having their kitchen redone and the floors resurfaced, she would say something nasty about her kids fathers and how she was super amazing. lol She never had anything nice to say about men. She constantly talked about how Jamie's father was a terrible person and always left her waiting at the front door as a kid, wondering if her dad was ever going to pick her up. I'm sure her father did not enjoy having to deal with this constant negativity, feeling like he was under her thumb 24/7. No wonder he didn't come around and wanted nothing to do with her or his kid. It probably didn't help that Brenda falsely accused him of being one of Jamie's sister's fathers as well. Brenda got around quite a bit and wasn't sure of who any of her kids' fathers really were. lol Like she used to say, if you got it, flaunt it lol.
Trying to explain how I came up with Dietrich‘s name to Jamie‘s great grandfather Bob was hilarious. Before Dietrich was born I had read the first book in this trilogy T2 infiltrator And one character who SkyNet chose to be the physical representation of certain Terminator models was named Dieter Von Rossbach and I had remembered the name Dietrich from the Aliens movie, The sequel the Alien. lol I thought the name Dietrich Von Stebbins sounded cool. lol Granted his name changed once he was adopted, but for a time, that’s what he was supposed to be called. I believe his mother changed the spelling to Vaughn when I had left the room in the hospital. I had forgotten all about that. lol But trying to explain to an elderly man, my love of the terminator and aliens was absolutely hilarious. I thought Dieter sounded too much like Peter, And even though the Dietrich character from Aliens was female, I didn’t think anybody would notice that I did a little mashup. All of my kids names came from somewhere and I got to pick them, granted some changed a little overtime, but whatever.
I didn’t notice and no one ever said anything about my erectile dysfunction until Jamie felt like it was because of her and said something to me. lol I didn’t even notice that I wasn’t attracted to anyone or life, when I’m sick That I’m totally empty inside and she thought that I wasn’t attracted to her. lol So you can imagine how that helped our relationship. Our infant son almost died, was in the NICU, Now her husband isn’t really interested in her yet I’m taking hundreds of pictures of our son every day and I’m showering him with love and affection, but I’m not showering her with love and affection.
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. Dietrich's birth was pretty rough he was stuck in the neonatal intensive care unit for weeks. It didn't help that I fell absolutely terrible and then my newborn son was helpless stuck in a hospital and I couldn't do anything to help him
It was right after our son was born that I really started to suffer some serious mental effects from my hyperthyroidism again and trying to treat it by talking to doctors and receiving depression medication made it all worse.
Lisa Strong Passing
Lisa Strong was murdered April 30th 2003, She was killed by the man that she had introduced me to at her brother Brian's wake, from what I remember someone said he told officers that he thought she would be happier dead, so he shot her, drove her to another location, then buried her alive off the side of the road, then at some point after he confessed and brought officers to where he buried her body. The last I knew he was in prison.
I still remember the "Toothpick Dick Rick" jokes SF made, ha ha ha. It's a shame, after that I started calling myself Ricky again.
Please Commonwealth of Massachusetts don't tell me you're going to pretend you don't remember that's how I got the restraining order removed around 2003 too, I got lucky and someone heard her mocking me in the hall at court, calling me toothpick Dick Rick, toothpick Dick Rick. Then she was forced to admit that I never did anything and there was reason to believe I would stab anyone with anything for any reason, let alone a stupid toothpick. Seriously???
Arrest Night
One night, (2003-06-18 I found a listing in Banks paperwork from 2021) Jamie went out with friends drinking. It started with a guy from her group picking her u, she went out for the evening and when he dropped her off, he parked up further up the the street and then I felt like they took way to long to say goodbye, plus I felt like an emotional disaster at the time, I cared about everything and wanted to know everything.
When she finally got out of the car, which to me felt like 20-30 minutes. lol I watched her stumble up the street and started questioning her as soon as she walked through the door.
Looking back, I obviously feel like that whole incident should've been avoided, but I remember thinking she wanted to be a mother, she wanted a baby and the attention and she's partying all the time and acting strange, I felt like she was trying to downplay the "parking up the street" issue and I felt like she was trying to calm me down before I was actually getting upset, when i felt like I was bringing up valid points.
She was insistent that nothing happened, but I didn’t believe it.
I remember I wanted her to be honest, I wanted her to tell me the truth, regardless of how things sounded or how the situation unfolded, I felt like she didn't love me, she was just with me because we had a kid. Looking back now, she had post partum depression, so that played a lot into her behavior,
I obviously didn't handle that situation well. I was upset at my perception of her behavior and I had this idea that she didn’t want to spend any time with or wasn't spending enough time with Dietrich.
We were going back and forth in the kitchen when she said I sounded aggressive, then she told me that I was scaring her, so I thought it was a great idea to hand her kitchen knife. lol Looking back that probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but that is what I did in the moment. I felt like if she had a knife, she wouldn’t be afraid of me, I held the blade and handed her the handle of knife from our knife block and said- If you're so afraid, here.
That's when she started crying and I should've known better, I clearly wasn’t thinking straight, but I wouldn’t let the subject go. Then in her drunken state, she called the cops, grabbed our son and drove off without a car seat.
I was so disgusted and felt so powerless, I ended up destroyed a bunch of her jewelry she had made and scratched all her favorite pots and pans. So that isn’t a proud moment in my life.
When officers showed up they gave me two options. They could, Jamie for drunk driving and child endangerment, lol or they could arrest me for some domestic disturbance charge or something like that,
These officers were really nice, they explained that this isn't a big deal, but... since someone called 911, they had to arrest someone, but she could drop the charges. Since I didn’t touch her or threaten to hurt her, so there was no assault. I felt like shit, I didn't want her to get in trouble, but I also didn't want to cave and let them arrest me. but I had no choice.
sitting in jail, waiting to stand before a judge was very strange. we had to pee in front of each other, there like 7 guys in the room and 2 of them were excited and hoping to get 5-7 years in some lock-up, I thought that was totally crazy. those are years of your life that you will never get back. Though I don't recall them explaining what they did, so maybe they had a reason to feel lucky getting 5-7 years behind bars. lol
(I'm pretty sure she drove over to my cousins house on Moss Road, just 5 minutes away. Her sister Amanda was dating my cousin Joey at that time and they were staying there.)
This was around the time Amanda got drunk and ran off into the night, crying and ranting. My cousin Joey and uncle Mike got to try talking her down. lol
23rd
This is the last time court with Shannon after fighting for years and getting nowhere and finally I got in that stupid harassment order, restraining order that she had gotten against me removed after that toothpick rick nonsense. She agreed to give up child support, which I thought was really weird, if you thought I was a monster, wouldn't you try to drain me for all I'm worth?
I thought it was stupid that Judge Sacks had mentioned that my son treated another individual as his father, then used it as justification for go along with this paperwork, my son was 4 at the time.
The judge was talking about my son's, half brother's, dad. This guy was married to someone else and I honestly felt like Shannon was still in love with him and wished he was the father of both her son's.
Mom's house robbed
This was an eventful summer. lol
I'm pretty sure this happened in August, Either way, I was working on my mother‘s bathroom at Hope St, she went to the camp at Fern lake with her boy friend Bob, and it seems like the running theme in motion, I'm feeling sick, so people find me a project. So project required replacing the tub, toilet, vanity/sink, I also tore up and replace the floor boards around the toilet, since they were rotten, then tiled it. All while Dietrich was a baby, sitting in his car seat in the hallway.
I must’ve left the back door unlocked when I left one night and some crackhead broke into the house, stole all kinds of jewelry and tools. I called the police and reported it, I'm not sure how this happened, maybe she came home that morning and discovered the house ransacked or I came back to work, I don't recall at the moment.
I remember the officer on the phone was reluctant to send someone, so I told them that I had a cousin who was a state trooper and I was gonna call them, then they sent a detective.
While here the detective was telling me that it's very difficult to catch thieves and it's very difficult to find fingerprints, But I showed him something that I know I hadn't moved in some time, a CD case and you could see what looked like a fresh print in the dust. Luckily he was able to get trace the print, it was traced back to a Michael Barnett I believe, this guy lived up Lloyd in some type of group home and had a drug issue.
Oh, I was so fracking pissed,
I had just found Grandma Francis‘s wedding ring the week prior and this guy stole it.
That event was enough that Jamie didn’t want to move back there. We did start looking for homes, I even checked out one in Agawam with my mother and we had loans ready, but I don’t remember why it fell through.
Years later I would see that this guy got shot in the chest while breaking into somebody else's home and survived, this has 9 lives and he's use them all.
West Springfield Condo's
After all that Jamie and I ended up moving to an apartment/condo complex on Route 5 in West Springfield, right next-door to Mingles. In the backyard of that apartment there is part of some kind of flood protection levee and there’s a long hill that has a trail on top. You can walk it all the way to the Connecticut river. I used to take Dietrich for a walk and his jogging stroller almost every day on that trail, and I used to find tons of four leaf clovers, I felt terrible, but I thought because I was finding all these four-leafed clovers, my lucky was going to change. lol man was I wrong.
I used to feel trapped living there, I used to feel so alone, that location was terrible, there are still no sidewalks, you can't safely walk to other neighborhoods and there were no people around, ever.
It was just Dietrich and myself, sitting around bored all of the time, the worst part was, he wasn't much of a talker. lol
I got rear-ended getting off the ramp heading north on Route 5, I believe it's exit 13, this is right before we went to Cape Cod in August.
I remember my face and neck feeling like shit and my body feeling like garbage. I remember people telling me that I should feel fine because I looked fine. lol
We only had one car at this time, so I either dropped Jamie off at work and then went to go visit family, so I was stuck home
I did take Dietrich to visit my family as often as I could, my dad was living with Karen, my Aunt Flossie loved seeing him and I spent a lot of time at Hope St.
Looking back is rough, Jamie wasn't supportive at all and still has the same terrible attitude. lol She never once tried to help me figure out what was wrong, she was like everyone else and still is, she expects me to do it all on my own, but I didn't have a clue what was wrong back then. I needed love and support, not judgement and unrealistic expectations.
I needed someone to help me explain how I felt and learn how to describe it better to others.
Ira Bloom
I sold our mobile home on a rent to own basis to a mentally disturbed man Ira Bloom on a rent to own basis. I was sick at this time and dumb, but in the end it worked out anyway . But I ended up signing some handwritten paperwork, agreeing to a rent to own because this guy Ira had invited some older psychologist from Longmeadow to vouch for him.
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Jamie spent a lot of time partying with her coworkers at this time, I’m sure I was miserable to be around and because I was spending so much of my energy on Dietrich I didn’t have energy for her when she got home and that wasn’t fair to her, but that’s how it was. I remember I had to pick her up drunk a few times from friends apartments, Thankfully, I was too much of a train wreck to drink with her. lol
fix grandma hates baby too, add how it made you feel, like it was okay not to bring him, which it wasn't.
Our relationship was a disaster after that and she wanted to move and that's when I met Ira Bloom. I got into a rent to own situation with this mentally disturbed person. At first I thought he was just a concerned father who was having a hard time in his divorce from his wife and I understood because I was having trouble with my wife as well. He told me his X was physically abusing their son and had heard him at the Jewish Community Center in Longmeadow MA and asked if I would call the Department of social services anonymously and say I witnessed some abuse and ask for someone to investigate and I did. Granted it was probably not the brightest idea but I wasn't thinking straight at the time and I didn't think I was hurting anybody by asking someone to investigate an alleged assault allegation. My wife and son had moved to West Springfield at the time and this man kept calling me all the time with concerns and problems. Then my wife and I began renting a house from her father in Springfield Off of Berkshire Ave. Which was unfortunately closer to Boston Road, so this mentally disturbed man contacted me more and more. One day out of the blue he brought up my friend Tammy Lynds who was found dead on Fox Road and asked if I would murder his ex-wife because of the abuse but she was inflicting upon their son, he also told me that he would pay me for my services. He told me he wanted me to murder her rape her and dump her body in another state and make it look like she was robbed At that point I had a friend anonymously called the police and report what Ira had said. I also contacted someone who I knew was looking out for Ira, who helped him pay for our rent a own situation and this man paid the balance of Ira's blooms bill, so that I wouldn't have to deal with Ira ever again, which I was very grateful for. I felt like such a piece of trash when that guy asked me to do that, I couldn't understand how any one would ask me of all people to do something so horrific and bring up my friend who was found dead on the side of the road.
I was also taking ephedra when I was working-out back then, so that didn't help, that gave me a lot of anxiety and caused my heart to race. I was having random uncontrollable panic attacks and I didn't understand what was happening to me at the time, I was struggling trying to hold it together. I told all the doctors I saw and they thought I was faking. We did try seeing a marriage counselor but that was a total disaster. This guy blamed it all on her and then I left those marriage counseling sessions feeling like somebody just told you I told you you were right all along. I'm sure that was terrible for our relationship, I'm sure I was a pompous rear end after that. I used to take my son jogging in the cemetery right up the street every day with our dog, we had a different Pomeranian Hailey back then. I used to love doing that but I would come back really low energy and I don't believe my ex-wife enjoyed that.
August 28th 2003 Grandma Francis died that was terrible I remember my uncle coming up and he was very upset because he felt like he should have spent more time on there and I always wondered why he would cry when it was his own fault that he didn't spend time with his mother
I used to worry about Jamie cheating all the time. I remember when the owner of her work died from liver disease. Then everyone got worried when they found out it was hepatitis , so me being me obvious would ask, why are so many people worried? lol
So the first time I told you, I cut up some of Jamie’s jewelry scratched couple of her pants, cause she was cheating on me and then grabbed my son and ran off drunk driving.
Another time that I caught her cheating. I don’t know if I told you this. When I first met her in 1999 she got a job at a porn shop called book ends in Enfield Connecticut. That’s how I met my buddy Paul. She was friends with her first, but she also worked with this guy Hector. A few years later after our son was born she started getting drunk and hanging around with him and sleeping with him. And then I found out in one night when I was up sick and full of anxiety. He had texted her phone and I saw that she was out cold, so texted him back and invited him to park up the street. I told him I would come outside. The sky waited outside for like 3 1/2 hours and I kept flicking the light in the front of the house. lol I would text him back that Ricky just woke up. I’ll be out in a minute. lol
The next day he found out it was me came over and I was standing in the driveway and wanted to fight. They used to call him fat and stinky and he is so lucky that I was sick at the time because if I felt the way I do now back then and this loser came to my house to start a fight with me while my infant child was there, I would break him in ways. He can’t even imagine. lol I was too sick to even call the cops. I was stupid and just totally out of it. lol not anymore
Jamie and I had split up and I was staying at my mother's house on Hope St. One night in a manic episode, I took a Dremel and scratched the tattoos on my left arm, and then wrapped it in bleach and a paper towel, in an attempt to remove it. It was my wife's name at the time. lol It was horrible I had a chemical burn, and I still have a scar from it. My arm swelled up in a very strange way around my elbow for weeks, I didn't go to the doctor's. I was a complete disaster. I eventually got it covered up, but it took me years.
This fall, I was super fracked up physically and mentally, I used to take Dietrich over to her great grandparents house all the time and I volunteered to clean up their leaves that fall. Man was at a stupid fucking idea for me lol I felt so physically pathetic the entire time. Which reminds me this happened to me while I was cleaning Grandma Stebbins leaves in her yard was smaller back in 2015. I’ll have to write about that. Cleaning up Dietrich's great-great grandparents turned down to be a nightmare, and I had to call a cousin and pay him to pick up the leaves in front of the house. On one of the visits over to the Bishop’s Bob had backed out of his garage and into the side of my grandmother’s car that I had borrowed to bring Dietrich over. I had gone over a few times because he had fallen and couldn’t get up and he would wait for me to get from Springfield all the way to West Springfield. He always had such a great attitude about it, I’d show up and I see his little hand waving from between the bed and the wall when I enter the room, His wife Vi seemed so embarrassed about it every time, but I loved going over and visiting and took every opportunity to chat with them.
December 2003
Christmas, I was back and forth living at Welland and Hope St.
I remember I took a picture of Dietrich and Hailey wearing antlers, in front of our fireplace. I was buying Dietrich tons of these dragon, mega block series toys, and storing them in the closet, hoping that he would love building and creating things in the future. I also set up a little 2 gallon turtle tank with goldfish in his room. I remember Hailey pooped at the bottom of his crib stairs one time and I made her sit outside for hours, lol she sat in the same spot for like five hours, she knew she did something wrong. lol
Those two were so gross, Hailey and Dietrich used to share food all the time. I used to have to chase him away from her dog dish. lol
At some point I brought our BowFlex from my mothers house and put it in our laundry area on Welland Ave, I would try to work out all the time, but I kept getting weaker and weaker. I went from being able to leg press all the cables, to struggling to do half the weight and worrying I was going to get hurt.
Charles came over a few times as well and we would watch WWF and WCW, we would get nachos from Casa de Nana on Boston Road, it was a blast. I used to play chess with Charles all the time.
Jamie and I took Dietrich to some Christmas party at the Polish American club in Agawam right outside Pheasant Hill on route 57. I remember feeling like a complete disaster at this time because Jamie and I were not getting along. Got to give her credit for trying. lol
There is an awesome hill in the backyard at Welland and that winter I took Dietrich sledding down it every chance I got. I had made a bunch of videos, but I’m not sure if they still exist.
Sometime in December Jamie and I went out to dinner at the Olive Garden and I nagged her into giving me another chance and I must’ve been convincing lol it’s not funny but what else can I do? I’m not going to cry about it.
The Dremel Incident
I was spiraling out of control and left alone, So I don't know what the hell I was really thinking,, or why I thought sanding the skin off my arm would help solve any of my issues in that moment, but I had a couple beers, sat alone in the room as was staying in, in my moms basement, lol then started sanding the skin on my arm.
Which totally didn't workout how I had hoped, I was expecting a rub burn type reaction, but I don't know what happened, but by skin didn't want to sand off. lol
My skin started leaking fluid and I started to use paper-towels to tap my skin dry, like when a tattoo artist wipes the ink away, but everything I cleaned was clear, it was like that area of my skin was sweating.
I wasn't happy with how long with was taking, so I thought that using bleach would help, and used that on the paper-towels , while trying different Dremel bits on my skin, it was horrific, I was a disaster.
After my skin was all inflamed, but still resisting the Dremel bits, I decided to soak paper-towel in bleach, place them on tattoo, then bandage my arm and go to bed.
when I woke up, the elbow area of my arm was all swollen, but the swelling went down when I lifted my arm. that weird swelling issue persisted for a month after.
Jamie and I took Dietrich to the Holyoke Mall shortly after this, I remember my arm was throbbing in pain, while was watching Dietrich staring at all the Christmas decorations as we walked by the pictures with Santa area they had set up. I remember thinking to myself, WTF is wrong with me, why can't I hold it together and why won't anyone help me? why does everyone have to act like a bunch of selfish fucking pricks all the time? people can't they don't know and help you search for answers, they abandon you, they expect you to figure it out yourself. lol I eventually do, but Jesus Christ, did it need to be after I left a trial of shit behind me a mile long? lol
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