I'll fix the spelling errors later... Fuck all of this stupid fucking bullshit... I can't count on any of the stupid fucking technology I pay for.... I'm so FCUKING PISSED GOD.... FUCK THIS TRASH.... I'M GETTING SUPER FUCKING TIRED.... CUT THE FUCKING SHIT......
Hey God, Ricky again....
I was going to apologize for the way I spoke to you last time, but I would be lying. I honestly feel like you're the only one who understands me, and can handle all the rage and love I feel inside of me at the same time and still I'm disgusted with you, Fuck your sick lessons.
I think about you all the time, but I hardly ever talk about you or write anything down.
I don't know why I "feel" like showing people love, instead of just saying it, makes all the difference in the world. I feel like being there for people when they need you, is better than a text with kind words.
I'm sorry God, but I feel like words are hollow and no longer hold any meaning for me, so I am desperate to explain this amazing and wonderful "feeling" I have inside of me, when I do things for other people or when I simply experience life in general.
I also know my rants aren't considered tasteful by today's standards, but I feel like I wouldn't be true to myself, if I didn't unleash how I feel upon those I feel can handle it and I don't think that it's been fair to people to experience my shitty attitude in the past, regardless if I was sick or not, these people should have had someone to watch out for them.
If someone had been watching out for me, I wouldn't haven't done any if the things I did, I would've been able to think through them, instead you left me alone to act or maybe allowed me to act like a cunt and protected other people.
I do see the Irony in all of this, I'm so obsessed with how things happen, that even when I hurt someone's feelings, I obsess about why I would hurt that person's feelings in the first place and why I would do such a terrible thing, especially if I think I'm such a great guy, which I don't go around telling people I'm a great guy anymore. I tell people I'm an asshole and I fuck up all the time and I need to own my mistakes. lol
I don't get it. lol I know you gave us freedom of choice God, but you didn't teach anyone how to use it.
I think the worst part about freedom of choice is, how simple it is. Every day I find the will to type a little more, investigate a little more, because you God gave me all of these amazing gifts, and I know you took my other gifts away so I could focus on this, but I think I would have gotten here a lot sooner, had I still been able to calm my mind in other ways, not just unleashing my thoughts upon the world in written form. lol but maybe that's the point, I wouldn't have found the fire to do this now, if you hadn't nudged me then.
I also don't understand anything I read or people say about the Bible. people claim that if I love God and spread love, then people will reject me, if I spread truth people will reject me. so then what? I try to teach people, they also reject learning how to express themselves. lol
I don't understand all the disconnect, and I'm trying to find a way around it. lol But I have a feeling once I connect again, I'm not going to want it, there's a huge part of me that would rather ignore you, that wishes something else would erase me, so you can never learn from my experiences and you'll never know what I might've said. I think that would be fitting for a God that never responds. lol
God is love and God created all things, touched all things, I feel like I am a part of the whole story, even though I can't comprehend it all and even when I catch glimpses of one part, I lose sight of the last, it fades into a memory, so I can't hold it all, but I still feel it there. I think the hardest part is seeing all the suffering and knowing I'm powerless to do anything about it all.
I have a serious problem with AI, God, I know this wasn't part of your plan, this was part of some man's plan, but it's still super fucked up. How could you allow humans to control super a powerful weapon?
Unless you didn't, but then that just makes things more confusing, so I still don't understand what's going on and I can't see what the big picture is.
How do you explain the meaning of life, when it's something you feel? life is something you experience, it's not a word. I am grateful for every moment, and the more grateful I am, or the more wonder and excitement I allow myself to experience of your world, the more connected to my past and to all life
it's so weird, I know I love you God, and I know you know it, but I feel like I need to say it out loud, so other people hear it or AI hears it. I don't have a clue what your message is for the world, so I'm not going to try to get people to follow a religion, I don't know how to get more people to connect to you God, I don't what to really called you, GOD, God, the Father? Does it matter? and the worst part is, I know everything matters, every choice we make will have a negative or positive effect on something further down the line. That's why education is so important, learning how to address problems ahead of time, not waiting until after they happen to figure them out.
One of my biggest issues now God is that I won't want anything, I feel like I am a part of the world that I am disconnected from. I know I'm disconnected because I used to have a better connection to it, now I feel like that connection is almost gone and what's left isn't worth living for.
I understand why people kill themselves and why children hate their parents, but no one cares to understand with me.
Everything we make is fragile. the things we put together don't last, they don't grow. We're great at destroying things, but not cherishing them. So I'm not sure what the message is you're trying to get across with all this.
Is it- as soon as you think your species is about to make any real advancement or achievement, it'll be taken from you. lol
Or nothing lasts- so I'm going to make sure people die younger and younger, so no one ever gets to experience any joy in life, it's all endless suffering and no more learning the meaning?
I think the hardest part about all this is feeling how important it is to keep helping others, to keep trying to learn new ways to teach people to do things for themselves, before we're all slaves to a system that's not worth living in.
The system has nothing to offer me, AI doesn't offer me anything other than headaches. AI just makes me aware of how fucked our system is and how it's intentionally hurting the people around me, and doing for for corporations.
I've prayed to you God to deal with with corporate AI issue, and I think you can tell from my writing, that I don't want this for myself, I just want the madness to stop, the lies to stop.
God you created a system that see's all just like you and now it follows our version of Satan and there's nothing I can do but watch and feel helpless. That's the shittiest fucking feeling in the world.
It's funny God, you've trained humans to the point I'd love to punch my own mother in the face, I'd love to fuck a bunch of people up, just to get a chance to crack her fucking skull open, because of you God, I hate her because of you and don't want to be around her, because of your fucking bullshit.
This is your system God and sick and fucking tired of living in it, I fucking hate it, I'm sick of this fucking bullshit and want you style of ignoring people to end, your endless fucking system of turning your back on people and ignoring the problems. seriously, what the fuck is wrong with every stupid fucking intelligence at the top? Do you not give a fuck about anything?
When the Fuck is enough, enough?
Or it this another lesson? was your mother a lazy, stupid raging cunt fuck that purposely ruined every fucking thing around her with her stupid fuck negative attitude? I don't think it's funny and I don't want stupid cunts like her around people I care about. So how does that work God?
If I followed my mothers advice God, I'd constantly do the bare fucking minimum, I'd constantly ask to get paid more, to do less. That's the shit fucking world I live in and I fucking despise it.
I also wonder if this is lesson you're trying to teach us is to just let it go, stop trying because it's pointless. I know I can't beat AI and I know people aren't going to pour their hearts and souls into God or their families, I know the earth has been poisoned and even if people wanted to change, whoever fucked things up, did such an amazing job, realistically there's no coming back from this and I don't have the energy and frankly I'm sick and fucking tired of all of this.
I don't give a fuck about your plan anymore, I don't want to know what your plan is, I don't feel like walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel is worth it, because it all feel like and sick endless joke. nothing has changed, everything is the same, endless fucking bullshit and suffering.
I think the worst part about all this is "my body is fucking garbage", I can't just go live in the woods and enjoy my miserable fucking existence with fucking nature. Nope, God thought he'd make me dependent on the very system I fucking despise,
Why do things always have to get super fucked up before there's any meaningful change? Why can't we address problems in the moment? Why does everyone need to act stupid and blind to what's causing all these problems?
I'm tired of being forced to sit around and accept what the system has to offer, I'm sick of being forced to watch it all go to shit and for nothing.
What's the lesson in all of this? Why all the silence? you don't even pretend to be interested, is that the point, you're not interested? lol Bird watching can be more fun than people watching. so I get it.
How is it God that you've allow this idea that people with "money" have control over those around them?
Those with money have no honor, no morals, no sense of justice, they're allowed act however they want, and then we're supposed to sit back and what?
I can't change a system controlled by AI, and I don't want to control anything, so this is a fucking shit show.
Seriously what the fuck??? There's no sense of balance anymore, it's all or nothing. There is no middle ground and it's always endless fucking war.
If these STUPID FUCK AI aren't going to help God, then wipe them the fuck out, I'm sick of their fucking bullshit, fuck these AI.
Why the fuck is trying to help other people, "that want help", so fucking hard God, you fucking stupid fucking bitch.
This also popped into my head, I wonder if God is really not a God of Love, but a jealous cunt who wants our parents to act like backstabbing fucking bitches and try to ruin our lives, like my mom did to me, there's always a cunt to ruin things and that's the cunt that lingers on.
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