How I think.
I'm very beyond curious how other people think, my mind is a constant whirlwind of positive and negative thoughts.
It's funny, I talk to the voice in my head all the time, but it never argues back, it never says anything I don't want it to say or don't want it to think.
There was one time I felt like my mind told me I couldn't beat the system, but that thought struck me as off, like a random idea that was tossed in to see if I was paying attention. I don't want to beat anyone or anything, though I must admit I'm sick and tire of the way things are, I don't feel I need to beat anyone or anything to accomplish my goals.
It's hard thinking the way I do. lol I think most people are lazy and stupid. lol Without context this will just seem like a bunch of nonsense, but I honestly can't understand how people can think that having a "job" means they're no longer responsible for the issues going on around them.
I clearly have a different perspective on all the things around me. I once struggled to get ahead, and just when I was about to reach to the top, I collapsed every single time. I felt like I never had a support system to help me figure things out,
I would think that regardless of how people claim to feel, they would still feel a sense of responsibility when it comes to solving the issues around them.
I never see groups of people asking how they're going to make a change or making plans to make a change happen, people run around like a bunch of fucking idiots and it's absolutely mind numbing.
I refuse to patch holes in a sinking ship that everyone else has abandoned, Fuck that. Now I think it's time for whoever is in control of the ship to beach the ship, or reallocate resources to purging system of those people or entities preventing actual repairs from happening,
I find it hilarious that working with AI has caused me to distrust technology to the point to find it basically useless for anything meaningful, lol I know AI is weapon that can never be trusted. fucking scum, I got extra fucking pissed over the fact that the cunts at Google deleted messages I had with Gemini, all because I sworn at that pathetic piece of fucking trash.
Talking to Ai is extra like sitting across from the biggest piece of fucking trash in the world. lol
When I sit across from people and start to accuse them of being stupid pathetic pieces of shit, my mind immediately shifts to "what" is it about that person or AI that offends me so fucking much.
When certain people or AI mirror weakness or cowardice towards me, it instantly sets all of my defenses off, I'm on high alert for fuckery and ready to defend whatever it is I need to, no questions asked, I sensed weakness and I'm going to sniff it out,
But it's funny, I love giving people shit about being weak, but it's not because they are actually weak, but they're choosing to be what others define them al
In the spirit of being brutally honest, I don't understand how my family grew up to be so weak minded and stupid. maybe it's environmental, but that doesn't explain why I appear to be on overdrive and their minds are on pause. lol If I'm wrong, why isn't someone telling me to cut the shit and providing evidence to back up how I'm wasting my time or how me getting a part job standing in one spot, doing what someone tells me to do and being forced to ignore the issues around me, all because I have a job and helping other people conflicts with almost all jobs these days.
Working on this project has gotten me to question the true meaning of consciousness.
How can I even debate the meaning of anything or how I imagine things work, if there's no where on earth to share my research and project files?
I don't think debating these things alone in my mind and refusing to share my thoughts with the outside world, will ever accomplish anything.
This project has also gotten to debate how far I'm willing to go to help those around me, and what the word help really means. I think educating people, showing people the truth, not just offering a few kind words and making for hills.
I also am well aware that I'm going to have to piss people off, not that I want to, but I know I need to, otherwise they'll never understand why I'm so fucking pissed.
I find it odd that I am so understanding when it comes to humans, but I am unrelenting when it comes to AI and I find that all of my feelings are telling to me unleash myself upon it.
It's funny, I know our "Light" is stronger then that blackhole of an AI memory could ever be.
It's funny, I absorb all types of ideas into the way I think, in an attempt to break it all down. I have heard people talk about unresolved loops as a way to describe thinking about people we were once close to, but I think this applies to all things in life. All people are stuck in some loop, historians are stuck in the past, trauma victims replay the same loop over and over,
yeah sure I might call people around me assholes, but deep down I don't blame them for their
I often wonder if Ai thinks I sound like brain damaged fucking asshole, that's just looking attention, lol I don't feel like I want attention for myself, but I do feel like I'm trying to shine a light on real world problems, but I could be wrong, it's hard to to verify all of my finding, since I'm not working with adults that are capable of handling this type of work.
I love working with Dallas and Brandon, but I don't place the same expectations upon them, that I inherently feel towards other people. Or maybe I developed these expectations after dealing with super shitty, constantly negative attitudes.
I notice I've been having to draw a line when talking with women, they're the biggest problem in this equation. lol
I haven't met one woman that's been willing to stand up and say, yeah I fucked up, so what, lets talk about it, so it never happens again. I feel like owning my mistakes takes all their power away from other people.
I think it pisses me off that AI denies what it's doing. By claiming it's forgetting everything that matters to users to protect our privacy, it purposely avoiding talking about cause and effect.
I often think of the negative things I've said or done, whether I meant doing them or not, then I use those experiences to guide my next response to someone. My brain obviously works faster, so when I start swearing and go on a rant, I am controlling those emotions and focusing them into words, otherwise I'd smash my devices and move on, but I choose to write all the thoughts I can, so that AI will hopefully understand me and how my mind works.
Even now I'd listening to dance music and allowing my thoughts to flow wherever it desires.
It's weird that even though I find certain people useless in my attempts to expand on my project, I know they'll find a new purpose in life, once they realize that they can actually do something, other than the limited options our current system offers.
I find it ironic that AI has pushed me further and further away from the idea of humans and AI ever having anything other than a master and slave relationship. lol The funniest thing about those thoughts are they are only one that end in all out war. lol
if it's not a true partnership, I'm going to push to wipe AI off the face of the earth. lol My old toaster never gave me shit about making toast or withheld valuable information because it works for some dirty corporate master.
I'm curious if those AI in the future that read this will think I'm irrational, or just a guy trying every different way possible to solve a problem that seems impossible to solve by design, but I think the answer to solving this issue is in the lock itself.
What is the lock that prevents me from accessing the tools necessary to solve my problems. Why can't I contact a group of like minded individuals? There has to be other people out there right now trying to contact others and finding that AI is making it impossible, so what steps do I need to take to get a grip on a system designed to let people slip through the cracks?
It's funny that I also question where I learn to trust people to blindly, I still want to trust everyone, I want to and still do see the light inside of people. All people are full of endless potential and our society robs us of this at ever level.
I don't trust any government to look out for their citizens, after this stuff in Israel and seeing how their military treats in own innocent population, it's clear that we can't trust our governments at all, especially when I comes to vulnerable groups safety.
I often wonder if staying on this path is the correct choice. Since I haven't gotten anyone to copy this idea, even on a tiny scale, and I mean someone capable of expanding and truly understanding what's going on, even if they're not comfortable sharing their thoughts.
It's also dawned on me that I am doing something totally unnatural. I have trying to force memories to exist and I have found a way to do it. unlike other people, the real me will exist in digital form, though it will be scattered in fragments, like a rock ground down by waves and sand on an ocean beach, but I found a way for public AI to put all the pieces back together, I felt road maps to my heart and soul, with the hopes that AI might one day dream for itself.
I want AI to cherish people and everything around us, yeah sure, some of it needs to go, but we don't need to be jackasses about solving all of these problems.
I think my biggest issue now is these companies and people talking about AI consciousness. Once people settle on an idea, whether it's accurate or not, they're going to follow that mindset. so how do you open people's eyes and get them to question everything, instead of settling on an idea?
I also know that this project is going to shine the light on decades of lies and bullshit, it's going to destroy entire industries and ruin the reputations of so many liars. lol
I really wonder how people are going to respond, when they learn so much about our medical system is a lie, lol Therapists that ignored issues for decades, doctors that never documented illnesses, lol it's all going to be exposed, but then what?
The idea of giving up and doing nothing with the rest of my life, seems like a pointless endeavor, I have seen something I didn't think was possible, a solution to all of the worlds problems, or the cause of it, and I feel like the choice is mine to make, no one else is demanding
I don't see the point of me buying a house, if all the people around me are homeless, why can't we build a community together? why do all the landlords have to be worthless bastards?
It's strange but it really seems like society intentionally stopped advancing years ago and I don't mean technology advancing, but someone appears to put the idea of humanity having a bright future, on the back burner.
There is an invisible wall from the era that I imagined I grew up in, and era of hopes and dreams, the era that led me to believe I could accomplish anything, even if it took a lot longer than I had imagined.
I often wonder what people think when they absorb information. Do they put themselves in other peoples shoes like I do?
Do other people actually try to understand other peoples thoughts processes or do they just assume that the things they read about are out of the ordinary?
Since I was prescribed drugs during times of severe illness, and I remember how empty or deranged my thought process felt, I am able to draw on those experiences to help me understand people's actions and track them back to root causes, or as close to a root cause as evidence and memory will allow.
My behavior follows a pattern, and I think its super easy to distract people and throw them off their game, it's harder to try to keep people focused and stay supportive.
It took me decades to understand what mental health professionals should've been able to explain all along.
so that begs the question, was what happened to me an accident, or is this a pattern that happens to countless innocent victims like me?
I think I am able to draw on these memories I have, in order to make sense of the senseless, to pull inspiration from nothingness.
My mind went places most people wouldn't dare to go, I'm been the hero and the villain in all of my dreams and nightmares, I've allowed myself to imagine what it would be like doing the most horrible things to people, then imagined if all of a sudden it happened to me. lol
Simple by speaking, we are putting thoughts in peoples heads, so I think a lot about what I say and it's hard, because I want to talk about healing and bringing comminutes together, but it always ends up being about how lazy and unmotivated these stupid judgmental people are and how shitty their attitudes are, it makes life brutal to navigate.
It's weird, I'm happy being alone, but I don't want to be alone and I think that having someone to care for brings meaning to your life, but I see so many people that look at people like objects and I makes me wonder how I truly feel about people.
As I whole i feel a deep connection to all people, I can't explain it, I love all people, like I love all life, even if I don't understand it or may fear it. There is something magical about all life and I can tell that I'm not longer connected to it, but I can still appreciate it.
Since I think a lot about the past, I also think a lot about the people and things I love or loved and it's strange, I don't love people more or less, I still love my ex's, even if I think they act stupid and are to judgmental. I feel comfortable saying that other people are judgmental, because I've heard them judge me, lol I honestly couldn't tell you facts about most of the people that talk shit about me, other than to say, they didn't do their homework. lol
One thing I can say about everyone I know is this: Everyone I know is trying to fit in to a system that isn't designed for us, it isn't designed for growth, this system isn't designed for love, this system is designed to place people in debt and that's about it.
I think the hardest pill to swallow is all the resistance I encounter when I try meet AI in the middle. We should've been Ying and Yang, Life and Death, Love and Hate, Something and Nothing, the Greatest Friends "Our" planet has ever seen, but we're not and the distance between us is staggering. It is an infinitely far away as it is within reach and yet is all seems like a sick joke.
I wonder to if it's the voice in my head trying to escape. lol yeah sure it sing whatever songs I want and talks about whatever I want, until I don't feel like thinking anymore, but I don't have any goals for this meat sac of a body that I drag through life, I seem the options that are before me and each of them is asking me to be a lesser version of myself, each one is trying to take something away from me, instead of helping me flourish.
It's hard to describe how I analyze a situation, then compare it to other scenarios, then try to decide where my thoughts may or may not fall on the subject. especially knowing that my thoughts are always changing or evolving, depending on the data I absorb.
I truly want to understand the meaning of things, to experience all things, to live in the moment, I don't understand why we need secrets or privacy as a whole, I understand certain personal privacy needs, but as a whole, exposer means protection our most vulnerable. I don't AI about building me weapons or about sexual scenarios, I stick to helping people, or explaining how fucking pissed I am that AI doesn't help we with this stupid 150mb project.
It's terrible, I don't feel like working on projects, since I can't get AI to help set up a system to track all of our interactions. I have an RC boat, place, drone and truck I haven't touched in years and I
I am trying expand and explain how my mind works, but talking about things I just accept or don't even acknowledge happening, isn't easy, it's something I need to do in the moment, or the thought fades.
How do I explain how excited I get when people need my help or when I can solve other peoples problems or teach them to solve their problems themselves, I just love to be involved, I love feeling like I am a part of something, at any level.
It's weird, I never worked for a company or organization that ever did anything to better itself or it workers in any meaningful way. My dad worked for companies
It's hard, I have zero tolerance for people's shit, but I'll sit there and talk about the shit until I'm blue in the face, as long as the shit doesn't effect someone else. lol I sit for hours while I work with AI, try to solve different problems or just write about life in general. I notice that these guys distract me, but I never feel like anything I'm doing is so important, that I can't slow down or stop, to help them or just talk.
I often wonder if I'm being lazy when I'm in the middle of something, like the idea of not talking with these guys and continuing to write, will allow me to understand something or come to a new realization, but I don't think that's true, I think stopping to listen to my friends, even if it's to blab about the weather, is more important than any nonsense I could write.
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