January I bought a telescope to take better pictures of the sky.
February
I started to use the telescope and camera setup, but I never got really great at it. Below is a picture of Jupiter and 4 of its moons, I've loved looking at Jupiter through a telescope since I first got to see it myself in 1994, I wish more people were interested in looking at the stars using telescopes, the fact that I was doing it alone 99% of the time is why I stopped doing it,
This picture below is of the Orion nebula, I used an app called Sequator and stacked a bunch of pictures, I'm not really sure how it works, but I took a bunch of pictures, and I don't think I moved the camera this time, I think I only did a quick series and it went a dark picture you could hardly see, to a brighter picture with some very nice details.
March
03-16
At first we started talking inside, but then I could tell that he was getting very uncomfortable at all the things I was saying about the abuse being covered up and how Attorney Banks had laughed at the abuse going on going on in the group homes in Massachusetts and how he had a client in Beth's son's home.
I wasn't allowing him to direct this conversation, I bitched and moaned about how I've worked for the types of homes Beth's son lives in before, I've seen all of this abuse first hand, both in the past and when I was with Beth.
That bitch rushed me down the stairs and outside as fast as he could. But I wouldn't let up I was pissed, I told them I'm not going to attack anymore. I was done blaming Beth for this situation, and I wanted to hold the Commonwealth accountable for what they did to everyone.
I think it's disgusting that lawyers talk about their experience, and then all of these problems are allowed spiral out of control in our society, and people like this dickhead are allowed to do half-assed fucking job all of the time and nobody does anything about it.
I haven't met one "Honest" lawyer, they're all refuse to tell the whole truth. They will only deal in half-truths and bold-faced lies.
03-18
I broke up with Missy through a text. lol I know...
I didn't a chance to explain anything, I felt like our communication was absolutely terrible, Plus I felt totally overwhelmed by everything, and I felt alone while I was dealing with it and I don’t think she understood me or the problems I was trying to address and I never felt like she was interested in helping me deal with anything, problems were just things I delt with. I didn't feel like I able to explain things to her in a way that I felt was healthy and I didn't think that it was right to keep "trying", when I knew that my mind wasn't in the right place.
I last spoke with her on the 18th, but I do reach out again in the March 2025.
April
The beginning of April I reached out to a local blogger that calls themselves Hell's acres, since he had written a story in 2012 about my friend Tammy that died in 1994.
At first I was looking for advice on how to tell/get the story about my Hampden county court issues and the issues with Beth and the abuse in group homes, but he didn't feel his blog was the right platform for these kind of stories.
I kept writing him and sharing stories. I know he done one podcast with another Blogger and I was hoping he would want to team up and try to address these issues with me, he didn't. lol
But he did start writing additional stories about my friend Tammy and turned 1 story into over 30 by the time I wrote this.
I think it's very strange that he's the only person who's taken a serious interest in her case.
I noticed other bloggers in the past have copied information from his page, but no one did their own investigation or homework. He also did a story on another local boy who was murdered and found dumped in the Chicopee River.
The Daniel Croteau Murder, Part 1
https://hellsacres.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-daniel-croteau-murder-part-1.html
In the last few years this blogger has written over 30 stories about my friend Tammy's' death and it has still been hard to spark public interest in her case.
The 1994 Fox Road Murder Mystery, Part 1
https://hellsacres.blogspot.com/2023/04/the-1994-fox-road-murder-mystery-part-2.html
April 22 Dom caught a baby rabbit video
May
05-01
YouTube Video
https://youtu.be/nxeI391tlAE?si=PN2FbfkUJWBVJtBY
A quick life summary
Description:
46 views May 1, 2023
Just a summary of how I felt all my life, before I start telling my stories.
Transcript
hi I'm Ricky and I'm going to do a quick summary of my life just kind of get things all together so people
understand where I'm coming from when I start telling my stories my entire life has been an emotional and physical roller coaster I didn't
discover I was suffering from hyperthyroidism until I was almost 40 years old I'll be 45 this year shortly
after I found this out I was able to solve another bizarre health issue I just recently developed much to my
dismay I also have a rare untreatable incurable genetic skeletal muscle disorder called adenosine monophosphate
diaminase deficiency this causes my muscles to cramp easily and develop tendonitis without any effort at all
if I push myself too hard I get robbed with my lysis and this causes kidney pain from the protein overload I've had over a dozen Orthopedic surgeries to try
to undo the damage I've done to myself unfortunately because of all this I am now on permanent disability
I went from going to the gym being on the bench 225 three sets of 10. I couldn't even lift the bar with my
hyperthyroidism at its worst so it it's no wonder everyone around me thought there was something seriously wrong with
me I could never explain it in a way people understood at different points in my life I went from feeling on top of
the world to feeling weak and on the verge of having a nervous breakdown for absolutely no reason there are times my chest would feel like
it was about to explode I would be able to sit still people just tell me to knock it off and behave myself I stayed as positive as I could through all of
this I went to the gym as much as I could I always ate healthy it was open and honest with my doctors at every point in my life about everything I felt
and everything that was going wrong nobody ever believed me I tried ZN therapists I was prescribed medication yet none of that helped solve my issues
in any way shape or form it always left me feeling worse defeated like I was letting everyone down around me I even
tried seeing a blind therapist once hoping they wouldn't judge me about how I looked thankfully I never turned to street
drugs or violence to try to solve any of my problems but unfortunately there were many times where I turned up
hurting myself instead I thought I wasn't hurting other people by doing this but I was always made to feel like I couldn't be honest about how I was
feeling both mentally and physically my doctors called me a hypochondriac that I just wanted attention people thought I was having mental issues I was just
depressed because it didn't make any sense so I must be lying or you know I'm always just seeking attention people close to being constantly called me lazy
said I needed to work more or find a different job or I needed to go to school and at one point or another I took all of this advice I tried I've
worked so many different jobs in my life I've tried going to school to better myself hoping this would solve my problems since I felt nobody truly
believed me so I was always trying to go above and beyond to make people proud of me because I always felt like a failure
I kept telling myself to stay positive and keep telling myself to push forward and eventually thankfully because I
never gave up on myself I was able to discover all of my issues and I was able to get on disability without even I
couldn't even complain about all of my issues before the judge stopped me so I feel like other people need to have
my kind of attitude and keep pushing for themselves you're your own best Advocate and I was my own best Advocate though it
took 38 years so I'm Ricky and hopefully uh people are interested in my story
2023-05-08
Another YouTube Video. lol
https://youtu.be/C2Av8Aucw4g?si=dSo75HTPGOq1QYuM
The suicidal hypochondriac
Description:
23 views May 8, 2023 SPRINGFIELD
I’ll probably come back to these points in my life, but I figured I had to start somewhere. Talking about suicide like it wasn’t a big deal and didn’t hurt is very hard. I’ve been made to feel like I was the problem all my life. Hopefully these videos help someone, especially men, who are made to feel like we shouldn’t have these issues. Being judged by how you look totally sucks
Transcript:
hi I'm Ricky and in this video I'm going to talk about the first two times I tried to commit suicide since they're one after another this is back in 2004 2005.
my first marriage was ending we had a son that was born in 2003 and I didn't know I had hyperthyroidism
at the time I knew I had ADHD and this genetic muscle disorder I don't believe was even active at this time in
my life but I was a complete disaster though I'd always told everybody I was fine I was
always made to feel like I had to hide how I was feeling I think all my life I've had moments of weakness
heart palpitations anxiety out of nowhere I couldn't sit still I was a kid that's always clicking the pen clicking
the pen very nervous energy kind of person all the time and all my life I've been full of energy
even as an adult even now that I'm being treated for all this stuff I've still got so much energy that if I could do more
with my life I would not be sitting here just talking into a video I'd be doing a lot extra
but the first time I had asked a friend over the Internet like oh what's the easiest way to do that and then I got
the bright idea to drink a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka and a pint
of Captain Morgan's in 15 minutes and then I went into a basement and laid down
for over 12 hours I ended up waking up on the floor with Rhabdomyolysis which is when your
muscles start to break down because a lack of blood flow my heart rate was so low that the muscles that I was laying on just started to die and degrade
I ended up spending two weeks in the ICU recovering before I was sent to the psych ward
the entire time I was in the ICU I don't believe that anyone actually thought that I was really suffering
through anything everyone thought I was doing it for attention that there's nothing wrong with me I was just upset that my marriage was ending
which I mean everybody would be upset that their marriage was ending but not enough to try to kill themselves it's always made to feel like ashamed of the
way I felt even though I try to describe it to people and unless you've experienced anything
like this there's no way to describe it after getting to the psych ward I feel like that made things worse
the psych medications they put me on had me I'd bounce it like it I wouldn't be able
to remember for long periods of time and something would come back to me six months from now it
was almost like my short-term memory was screwed up but my long-term memory was fine and everybody thought I was on drugs at that time
look while I was in the psych ward I noticed that they don't give you anything to do they tell you to just sit there
or Pace up and down the hallway but they wanted to give you like as little stimulation as possible which I
feel like someone in my position that was the totally wrong thing to do for someone like me
there were times I climbed on top of cabinets but no one was in a room popping through ceiling tiles looking
for ways to escape the psych ward and one time during the two-week period I did escape
the psych ward a woman was near the door family was rendering to come and visit other patients and even though I had Rhabdomyolysis in
my chest bit in my leg and I could barely walk I was having trouble moving my arms I burst through the door I was
at the fourth or fifth floor all the way down the stairs with a staff member chasing me and I made it up the street
I escaped into the night they gave the wrong description to the police so that even though I did walk by some Cruisers that night I was able to walk
seven miles home limping back to us where I lived in Springfield from the hospital
my family let me stay home they didn't know what was wrong with me I try not to blame anybody for anything
but I feel like a lot of things got overlooked in my life like my grandmother has hyperthyroidism every doctor I've ever talked to about my
issues ass no one ever checked you for this when I explained my psych issues they found it they dumbfounded oh nobody
checked your thyroid when you explained any of this stuff so after escaping the psych ward my family let me stay home and I told him
I'd go back to the doctors the next day and they just allowed it they didn't know what to do with me probably were embarrassed too like who
wants to hang around somebody that just tried to kill themselves and has no explanation why so the next morning I did oh somebody
dropped me off my mother dropped me back off at the hospital they saw me hobbling up the sidewalk and the doctor came out
and met me we sat down and talked outside he explained to me he doesn't know how to help me they don't know what to do with
me so they were going to let me go which I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing knowing now that I
was suffering from hyperthyroidism one of the times I was in the psych ward I do have a blood test that shows that my
thyroid was off and I was never told about that when I was 2005.
but either way they released me from the psych ward and when I got home I went over to CVS and bought a hundred extra strength
Tylenol 100 extra strength Tylenol and took them all at once
that unfortunately made me feel better the next day when I woke up I don't know what happened I was expecting my liver
to be on the verge of failing from everything I've read and from the damage I did to myself from the Rhabdomyolysis which
that causes kidney damage because muscles breaking down releases protein and protein is filtered through your kidneys so I was shocked that I actually felt
better and I didn't even know how to explain that to my family how do you go from a month ago trying to
skill yourself and you try to kill yourself again and then within a matter of 24 48 hours you feel like a new person again I feel
better but all my problems have disappeared compared to what they were in the recent
weeks I found it mind-boggling and I'm My Hope Is that people that see my videos or
of anybody that watches it if I can help one person who's been called the hypochondriac or one person who's felt suicidal maybe
feel like it's not them maybe there really is something wrong because I really had things that were wrong with me
so I'm going to end this here I don't know how I'm going to keep doing these videos I'll talk about different points in my life I don't know if it's easier
to do a timeline but I was told that talking about suicide is a very hard subject so I thought I would breach that first
before I get to all my shenanigans so thank you for anyone that watches and I'll see you next time
May 15th
I really started writing my life story stuff down, I sent this to Paul. He wasn’t interested. lol
"This has been a totally positive experience for me. It was totally in line what my original goals- I wanted to talk about how my life events have effected me. I feel like talking about this case and digging deep into how I feel about everything that has happened in my life, is constantly giving me new insight into how I came to be the person I am today.
I forgot that I started seeing a therapist at a pretty young age, maple st in Springfield and a place in Holyoke near the mall.
I couldn’t explain anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations, muscle weakness, low energy, racing thoughts and sleepless nights. I assume everyone thought it was adhd or that I was molested and/or just acting out for attention.
I can remember having panic attacks and feeling trapped when inside a room as a child, but it would go away outside. Therapists would take me for walks and we would talk outside. I never understood why I felt trapped and needed to escape small rooms, until thinking about my times in the psych ward for suicide attempts. It wasn’t a feeling I experienced all the time, it would go away for months and then come back. At times it was totally overwhelming and uncontrollable, I would pace hallways and feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Because of therapy, I learned about our bodies and all types of adult relationships at a very young age, I was questioned about being touched. Thankfully I never was. I found all the conversations totally fascinating. None of the other adults in my life could ever talk like this and still can’t. I never felt afraid while talking with these therapists. They told me all about adults hurting children and other children hurting children. How people lash out at others and misbehave when they’ve been hurt and don’t talk about it.
These people instilled in me a love of science, anatomy and physiology, the wonders of the human mind. They answered every question I could come up with and were always open and honest with me, especially if they didn’t know an answer. When they asked if anyone ever touched me, I said no. When I asked them why someone would do that? These therapists always told me the truth, unlike our parents growing up. I never heard about any of this stuff from them, our parents didn’t talk to us about anything, let alone being open and honest about adult type scary issues. They weren’t taught how to explain it in a way kids would or could understand, but my therapists could.
These people taught me true empathy( granted I love to mouth off at times, I have feelings too). I got to interact with other little kids who were having horrifying issues or had disabilities. This one kids mom got beat up by his dad and when he went to help, he got punched trying to save her. Kids with Down syndrome, autism. I felt like it was always playtime and get to know you time, while at therapy.
I also remember the bad times, times Drs would threaten to stick me with needles, all because the medication they gave me was making me feel so sick, so empty inside and I didn’t want to take the medication anymore. I think this was 4th grade. How does a child explain how he’s feeling to incompetent adults? Adults who have never taught him how to explain how he is actually feeling. ( I experienced this same terrible emptiness as an adult. I was on medication for my misdiagnosed issues, it was just horrible as an adult )
I must just try to block things out: remembering these things made me wish I could’ve said “shut the frack up” , to so many adults as a child.
I told my mom this, I told her it wasn’t personal and she laughed.
I couldn’t fracking stand it when adults would say things like. 🤣
- just tell me what’s wrong, it’s okay, I won’t get mad. ( did I seem afraid to tell them?)
- if someone hurt you, you don’t have to be embarrassed, you can tell us. ( did I act like someone touched me?)
-why do you keep acting like this? ( good question)
- why can’t you just sit still? ( I know now, assholes)
-what’s wrong with you? ( I wish I knew then, duh)
-you’re fine, just go to bed. ( this advice didn’t work as an adult either).
one time in the hallways, a teacher said this to me, out loud, in front of a group of adults in 6th grade- You’re like dealing with a alcoholic. ( I can see how they thought that now, I was having panic attacks and getting stuck on one idea. This happened to me as an adult as well, this used to make me feel horrible as a child, I didn’t mean to upset people with my constant fidgeting and questions. My therapists were always open and honest about everything and would take me on walks when I was uncomfortable inside. my teachers and parents were never caring in that way. I didn’t understand the difference. I couldn’t understand why some adults talked openly and others would get pissed off when I asked a question or I wasn’t feeling as good as they thought I looked. )
I totally forgot this too. I always took the bus home, when I went to O.L.S.H. ,I went 1st-7th grade. In 3rd grade my parents had ordered new couches and the day they were supposed to come in, I get picked up early from school, for no reason. I was so excited to go home and see the new couches, I didn’t ask why I was leaving early. When I got home, the couches were there, along with my mom and some stranger. I recall kinda bouncing on the squishy new foam, I had lots of energy. Not jumping, I just couldn’t sit still. My parents and this guy kept asking me about a fight on the bus. I was totally clue less. One of these- it’s okay if you tell us, you won’t get in trouble. They kept asking if I was mad at anyone or if I saw anyone fighting.
Then they showed me a picture of a bite mark. You couldn’t tell exactly where it was, but you could see the teeth ring clear as day, it wasn’t a hicky type mark or bruise.
Then I was asked to bite some kinda device with paper in it, I remember thinking it was really cool, I never got to do anything like that before and had to do it a couple times, it must’ve been with ink and a coating. It didn’t get on my teeth, but there was an instant result. This wasn’t some hard mold of my mouth. My parents and this guy were all nice the whole time.
Then in therapy the subject came up. Probably in a how was your week type question. My therapist told me that someone bit one of my female bus-mates on her “ upper inner thigh” and that the little girl said it happened on the bus. No one made a big deal about it, so I didn’t press the issue, I asked a couple questions and remember her showing me a drawing/photocopy of a person and the therapist drew a circle by this drawings crotch. I didn’t understand what was really being asked of me, it didn’t make sense to me how someone was bitten there in a fight.
( as an adult, the thought is absolutely disgusting to me. I can remember the picture from the “guy/detective”, I can remember the drawing and the spot the therapist drew on it. Someone's head was between her legs.)
I asked my mom what she remembered, she had forgotten all about it, it was never brought up again and doesn’t know what became of the case and never heard about that girl again.
Who knows what else was going on at that time, no one talks about anything. WTF
Talking about all the stuff people keep to themselves. All because I couldn’t sit still, my 5th grade teacher would lock me in a closet for hours/days/weeks on end. I would eat my lunch in there and I spent recess in there. I couldn’t stop talking or sit still, I couldn’t explain why or what I was feeling, I was 10 years old. Talking made me feel better, I felt an uncontrollable urge to talk. My birthday is oct 1978, this class was 1988/89, I have my class photos with dates.
I still have stones I stole from that closet too. My mom seemed upset when I told her about all this, she didn’t know I was locked in a closet, she burst out laughing when i told her- I spent so much time in that closet, I was able to glue every single page, to every single book in that closet. It was like therapy, I felt like I was going out of my mind and gluing everything in that closet together helped me through it all. There were hundreds of books, history, math, English, science, every piece of construction paper, every church booklet, pamphlet were all glued and pressed together. There were bottles of glue. I left nothing unglued. Vhs tape insides were filled with glue. Everything was placed back where I took it from, it all looked nice and neat.
As I research more, this was also the same year my grandfather died, I was close with him and he worked as a janitor at olsh. No wonder I was an extra mess. I must’ve been feeling the love.
I never got in trouble for that. No one ever mentioned it either. I wonder if that teacher could’ve gone to jail or lost her job for keeping me caged in that closet for so long? Is that why it was never brought up? 🤣 totally bonkers
Father Gerald Lapean used to rough me up too. I can’t remember anyone ever hitting/slapping me at school, but the priests would slam me against walls, squeeze my shoulders, shove me into chairs and yank my arms.
Sister Winnie tried to drag me down the stairs by my arm one time in 4th grade and I refused. I held the railing as hard as I could and she kept yanking on me, until she fell. My parents came in and I got in trouble for not listening, but nothing was said about all the bruising on my arms.
I wonder if a lot of the stupid crap I did as a kid was for attention, I was crying out for help or just trying to get people back for the way they treated me?
Food for thought. 💠"
YouTube Video
Life before School
https://youtu.be/ljqhAc9EmKg?si=g4IqRLEEDvQk-k2_
description:
26 views May 22, 2023 SPRINGFIELD
Trying to explain my life in a way that make sense and not skip over anything I might feel is or isn’t important.
Transcript
hi I'm Ricky and I'm gonna try to start this video from the beginning of my life since the other videos don't really seem
to make any sense without any context and without knowing me or what I've been through good bad
or my perspective on anything there's no way to understand what I'm trying to say without it just sounding like very dry
straight to the facts subject so I'm going to try to tell it from my perspective the way I would like to talk about things in my life but I've never
been able to just talk about things and hopefully this will help someone else and if not if anything I'll just be
talking to myself just to get it off my chest at the very beginning of my life I had very large families on both sides
mother and father and my grandparents and Families they're great they're my great grandparents were still alive so we were
going visiting all the time everything seemed like an adventure to me I've always looked at life as
exciting even now I I'm gonna be 45 this year I still get more excited than any of the kids around me I don't know why
I'm just full of energy all the time still even with my hyperthyroid medication and my ADHD
medication I still have more energy than everyone around me and that has not been helpful all my life I've been super
chatty all my life I never stop asking questions just questions questions Galore and I'm just always on the go I always
want to be doing something and yes now as an adult I can sit still but I couldn't always sit still and that got me in a lot of trouble in
my life and caused me a lot of issues with authority but when I was younger we grew up in a place called Colonial Estates and there
were hundreds of people around all the time we'd be riding our bikes around the neighborhood all day long I had a little brother born in 1980 and we lived there
for a couple years so I get to know the elderly people they'd hand out candy we did our laundry so we always got to leave the apartment
and go do laundry family members lived with like a half mile maybe in less than a half mile away so we were always
visiting family walking over driving a family and family in Ludlow colonial states was in Springfield and a lot of the family I had was in Springfield
but in the Summers my mother had family in Upper state New York so we would go visit them at one point her brother was in the cape for a
few years so we'd go visit him at that time and it was always exciting on the go on the go so I don't think anybody could have noticed how bad my
energy levels were because I never had a reason to stop and when I was younger a lot of the older people would answer
all the questions I had they didn't get angry like my teachers would in the future my constant questioning when things didn't make sense you know there
were people that would actually try to explain things and like oh that's right if that question you're asking I don't have the answer maybe I can find it for you not
these rude people just do as you're told and shut up my imagination has always been all over
the place I've always wanted to do things I've Seen On TV I've probably been left to watch too much TV as a
child I remember sliding down the stairs in cardboard boxes I always love scaring people I don't
know why it's one of my favorite things ever since a child but I can remember having anxiety as a child too I couldn't sleep at night I
couldn't explain why I'd have these Restless thoughts and I was like four years old like I
remember three four years old trying to sleep in my parents bed and then my dad wasn't there I tried to clock climb in
bed with my mom and the bed was wet and then she's like no you gotta go sleep somewhere else and I could have sworn my dad peed the
bed but she said she doesn't remember but my life was up to that point is full of all happy memories I don't remember actually getting in trouble
when my parents bought a house and then the visiting kept on going I had an uncle came over all the time he fixed
the porch I'd go over their house visiting in Ludlow we ended up getting a puppy that passed
away within the first few months from worms I don't know how they didn't take care of that stuff back in the day so that was devastating I remember that
struck me really hard as a child because I'd always wanted a dog everybody on TV had dogs at friends that had dogs
and the Christmas parties back then were huge huge like I can remember like 60 70 people at these my father's family
events anyway the mother's side was more like 20 30 people the biggest but that was still huge as a kid when nobody does like these events anymore as an adult
family is sense gone separate ways but things are so different back in the past
I remember I grabbed my mother's mother was always the one that spoiled me the most she was terrible whenever I did do things it was always
like it wasn't that big of a deal so that altered my perspection perspective on getting in trouble quite
a bit growing up I'm gonna stop this video here and I'm going to start the next one at preschool I'm gonna try to keep my
stories in line up until high school so hopefully it'll be shorter so thank you for watching see
you next time
==========================================
May 24, 2023
I was supposed to have trial today, but I knew I wasn't going to happen.
I couldn’t believe this fucking dickhead had the nerve to show up totally unprepared, then tried to get me to go to trial without ever gathering any evidence or ever having an investigator to speak to Sue or Oli.
This piece of shit had the nerve to ask me if "I trusted him", of course I didn’t fucking trust him, he never did anything he shook my hand and told me he was going to do. lol
I told him I wanted to speak to the judge, then he said he would be back, I don’t know what that jackass said when he walked into the courtroom, but he had me wait behind.
Hw wasn't in the courtroom long, then then he rushed out, handed me a paper saying that case has been transfered to Worcester and I have to come back to court in two day, then he scurried off, like a little bitch, while spouting some nonsense about- he had something to do.
What a fucking loser.....
He was scheduled to be there for my trial, then all of a sudden he had something to do??? and couldn’t answer any questions???
May 25, 2023 at 7:09 PM
The court date tomorrow is a trial assignment date. It is not a trial date.
Held on the fourth floor room 23
9:00
It does not seem you have confidence in my representation.
Accordingly I will be making a motion to withdraw as there is a breakdown in the attorney/ client relationship.
A new attorney will be appointed.
Ricky:
I'm confused as to what is going on.
You told me that we were going to trial Wednesday; but you can into court totally unprepared and never provided me with any of the information I asked you about.
I was told that my case was going to be investigated by Attorneys Banks, Dicato and yourself. We all agreed on who to talk to and what information to gather.
far as I am aware, nothing was ever looked into. I was granted a court order for money to investigate my statements.
Once I mentioned being coerced into pleading guilty in my last court case and that it was because I found evidence that the commonwealth created fake evidence in a previous case. Every lawyer I talk to get scared and stops communicating with me.
Beth and I talked about it all the time and she was pushing me to fight my coerced confession and they malicious damage case, that the commonwealth created fake evidence in.
Beth wanted me to be co guardian for he son, because she was tired of the commonwealth lying and not doing anything about her son being abused.
That last day, she told me she hopes I kill myself this time and laughed that she was going to call the police and no one was going to help me.
And it appears she's right
So from now on, I'm going to need to communicate in writing, to prevent any misunderstandings or confusion on anyone's part
O’Doherty: As i stated there is a breakdown in the attorney/client relationship. 1 am making a motion to withdraw.
I didn't know what to expect when I showed up to court on the 26th, O'Doherty didn't give me any information, His communication skills were absolutely fucking terrible, and he was taking so long to get to court, that I decided to start texting him a bunch of information.
I ordered audio and there's a transcription below, I'm glad I decided to text him, because that spineless fucking bitch didn't even show up to court, he stayed home that day and appeared by Zoom, Lying fucking loser. How can there be a break communication, when you refuse to communicate in the first place?
I felt so disrespected by his disgusting behavior, that I mouthed off During the TAD, I didn't have a speech planned, but I felt like I needed to say something, so this dickhead and all those other fuckers don't just get away with everything that's been happening over the decades.
Sure, it's dumb and probably doesn't make a lot of sense without a ton of context, but this is what I decided to say. lol I'm surprised this judge didn't order that I have a competency hearing. I'll be asked in January of 2024, so it makes we wonder what judges even use competency hearing for, I wasn't asked to take one in 1999, 2013, or 2016 and just tried to kill myself for the 3rd time in about 3 months in 2016.
It's funny after hearing this, I would be concerned for someone's mental health, unless I had a clue what they were talking about. lol
Link to audio for anyone who is interested.
https://youtu.be/jhF6ilH8zW4?si=QQuaIogA_I5j34yI
Transcript of court audio:
9:47:34- Court clerk: Attorney O’Doherty, I see you on Zoom with us, what do you have?
9:47:39- O’Doherty: umm… good morning
9:47:4- Court clerk: good morning
9:47:43- O’Doherty: and good morning your Honor, I have a tad on a Richard stebbins that came in from East Brookfield. Your honor
9:47:53- Court clerk: move that microphone Attorney ODoherty you’re creeping us out. Thank you.(laughter) Richard stebbins 2169CR1285 trial assignment date, Your Honor
9:48:04- ODoherty: I’m asking this remain on a tad date, because I’m making a motion to withdraw from the case, there’s a breakdown in the attorney client relationship and umm, I think he would benefit from new council.
9:48:28- Judge: so your lawyer is trying to withdraw, do you agree there’s been a breakdown in a relationship, Mr. Stebbins.
9:48:33- Richard Stebbins: I’m sorry, but I’m very confused. I was coerced into pleading guilty the last time I was on trial for a forgery in Springfield, even though I had evidence that proved I was innocent.
9:48:48 I was just recently out of the psych ward for some medical issues and Commonwealth was able to convince me to plead guilty, and even though I plead guilty, I said I,
9:48:55- Judge: Mr. Stebbins, Mr. Stebbins that’s a Springfield case
9:49:00- Richard stebbins: this is involved in this case I’m sorry
9:49:01- Judge: this case is an assault and battery on a family household member out of East Brookfield, District Court. Mr. ODoherty at some point appointed to represent you. He suggesting that your relationship, his and your relationship have deteriorated and he suggesting that would be better off if you had a different lawyer
What do you think?
9:49:19- Richard Stebbins: I’ve had two lawyers before this and I was told, we had a court order for an investigator, it was granted and I was told that statements were going to be taken from a list of people and then once people found out that I have evidence against the Springfield Court and the previous case that evidence was tampered with
9:49:37- Judge: this has to with, this has nothing to do with Springfield
9:49:41- Richard Stebbibs: But it does, because the woman that’s accusing me,
this is what we talked about all the time , and this is what started the, the disagreement we had this morning, she wanted to push me to get these charges removed from my name,
cause she wanted me to be co-guardian of autistic son. I was dealing with her autistic son all the time, because I’m disabled, so I can deal with him, I was helping out as much as much as I could.
9:50:03- Judge: so, so what do you wanna do about a lawyer?
9:50:05- Richard Stebbins: I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
They tell me that we’re going to do something, we’re gonna get some information and then they never called me and then they, they deny even even having these conversations, like they don’t know what I’m talking about, like even my mother, people have heard these conversations, Lawyers agreed we’re gonna get statements from my mother and my stepmother, people involved in this situation. I’m not gonna get them from them, I don’t want them to seem coerced or twist peoples words. And the investigators never showed up.
People have heard on the phone that the lawyers are supposed to be sending investigators, I don’t understand why it’s not being investigated.
9:50:41- Judge: CPCS
9:50:43- Richard Stebbins: I’m sorry, but I called the FBI Wednesday.
9:50:45- court clerk: sir, we’re gonna appoint, we’re gonna appoint CPS as your council on this matter.
And what’s a good day for you to be back within about 45 days sir?
9:50:57- Richard Stebbins: Could setup a couple weeks at least, talk to this one, I’m on disability and don’t have a vehicle and I live in Springfield.
9:51:05- court clerk: okay, what’s a good date for you to be back, sir?
9:51:06- Richard Stebbins: Wednesdays
9:51:07- court clerk: Wednesday’s how’s, June 28?
9:51:09- Richard Stebbins: that’s fine thank you.
9:51:10- court clerk: OK, we’ll continue the matter to June 28, it’ll be CPCS.
You’re gonna have the trial day, they’re on duty today so if you wanna go to somebody to CPCS right here, so you can get the card and information and contact them, sir and be back on June 28,
9:51:25- Judge: Mr. ODoherty your mister ODoherty, your motion to withdraw or a motion to withdraw is allowed
=============================
June
June 14, 2023 video about my feelings after attorney ODoherty tried to get me to have trial by surprise. I remember feeling very emotional, I felt like I was winning, but it was at such a terrible cost, everything was getting dragged out further and further.
https://youtu.be/4hXmNYkUWio?si=ivQaWLPOXp48S47t
Video: How I came to my Epiphany
Date: June 14, 2023 | Location: Springfield Description: It took almost 45 years, yet on Wednesday, May 24, 2023, this court case postponement helped me find the answer that I have been searching for my entire adult life. It’s fitting I didn’t add the answer; I wasn’t sure until after I felt totally confident speaking up for myself in front of the judge I faced on Friday the 26th in Worcester court. I’ll post my self-evaluation/epiphany soon.
Transcript:
Hi, I'm Ricky. All my life I wanted to know why I think the way I do, why I feel the way I do, why I react the way I do. I've gone through so much stuff, it's absolutely ridiculous. I've tried opening up to people and talking to therapists, and it has never worked until I was supposed to have trial on Wednesday, May 24th this year, 2023.
The ex-girlfriend of mine had accused me of elbowing her in the face, and I did not. The Commonwealth and the lawyers I had were hoping that she would drop the charges, but she never did. Then, the only reason they were gonna allow me to go to trial that Wednesday is if I had agreed to slander her and make her out to be a liar and an exaggerator. This is because she has a son who's disabled, and he's been abused while in these group homes in Massachusetts. He was in a psych ward in New Hampshire when I met her.
But when I told my lawyers that I was no longer agreeing to slander her name—once I realized my mistake, my problem, and all this—they all panicked. They put the trial off, hoping she's just gonna back out.
On the way home Wednesday, when I was driving, it just bothered me so much I couldn't get it out of my head. I finally just let it hit me. I'm like, I'm driving alone, why not? I'll just be myself. I'm sick of pretending I don't care about stuff. Something really bothered me about the idea of just letting her drop those charges. I wanted her to drop them before, but now all of a sudden when they said this, I'm like, why does it bother me so much? Why does it hurt so much, the idea of dropping these charges, when I know I didn't hit her? The report says there was no mark, there's no evidence. My lawyers purposely never gathered any of the evidence that I had asked for—none of it, none of the statements. And everybody I know wanted me to fight her charges; they're just ignored, hoping to see it go away.
And then I finally figured myself out, and it's like the most ridiculous thing. I broke down crying as a grown man. All my life I've wanted to know why I feel this way, and I saw everything. I was like I had a flashback like I was dying—I saw my entire life, except I felt more alive than ever.
So they changed my court date to Friday in Worcester. My lawyer was backing out; he was terrified of everything I mentioned to him. He wants nothing to do with this, even though he was agreeing with the Commonwealth to help slander her. Which sounds ridiculous—isn't that like conspiring against your own client? The Commonwealth is bringing these charges against me, but they want me and my lawyer to destroy their client so that she can't file anymore abuse reports on behalf of her son, when they were all accurate. I mean, I filed reports on behalf of her son and the Commonwealth investigators tampered with them and left out vital information.
So in court on Friday, instead of just agreeing to let my lawyer recuse himself and run away like a coward, I stood up in front of the judge. Because of some previous cases I had where the Commonwealth tampered with evidence and took advantage of the fact that I tried to commit suicide, I said it to the judge: I'm not backing down anymore. I'm not going to hide the truth from anyone.
It's not funny what happened to Beth. Beth never did anything to hurt me, and anything she said about me after I left that house, I feel like the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is responsible for it. They left her there living next to my father, which is a horrible situation. But I feel once I tell this entire story, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is going to look like a bunch of monsters who have attacked two innocent people and tried to turn us against each other.
Like, I'm not going to attack her in any way, shape, or form. What she said to me that morning... I can't even say it normally because I felt like she was attacking me. But now, when I look back and I'm healthy—I'm on my thyroid medication, I'm not feeling like running for the hills—I realize she wasn't mean to me at all. I just felt attacked. It was just a matter of perception.
So I'm gonna have to tell that entire story, but I'm gonna stop here. This is just a quick intro, so hopefully, for anybody interested, stay tuned.
June 14, 2023
I made a YoiuTube video called -
Preventable Tragedies: Beth Nichols case
https://youtu.be/9d2haFlPHY8?si=5ZJPo1WR3uSjMW3g
Description:
33 views Jun 14, 2023 SPRINGFIELD
This is a mess, but I’m tired of hiding the truth and pretending that things don’t bother me or that I shouldn’t care.
I’m going to expose everything the commonwealth has done both to my ex Beth and to myself over the years. I’m sick of their lies and word salads, where they say a ton of wonderful sounding bull-shat, that in reality means absolutely nothing.
Talking about some of this stuff still gives me a spitting head ache, so I may have to rework this into shorter chapters.
Transcript
hi I'm Ricky and in this video we're going to talk about Beth when I first met her we went to go see
Suicide Squad and then we went out to dinner and I told her my entire life story up until that point everything from my friend Tammy dying
and nobody doing anything about it should my incident in the Coast Guard and faking amnesia
to trying to commit suicide six times it was ridiculous and signing the rights away to my kids for no reason and time so I felt I should have won it was
absolutely ridiculous but I could never explain it her son at that time was stuck in a psych ward a new New Hampshire she was
living with her daughter bondsviller husband had moved out things weren't well so that's how we met
and she wanted me to meet her son right away she told me about how he was abused at a group home so he couldn't live at home anymore she
tried but it was just too much it was just overwhelming and as much as she cared she had to admit she couldn't do
it on her own and she didn't get any help from the state they gave her like 20 hours a week I've worked with the disabled before so
I know they treat disabled people like trash and even though they have lots of money and say they oh money's No Object whenever it comes time to spend it on
realistic things all of a sudden it's not there and there's excuses so I figured you know she seemed like a
really nice person she was you know very emotional but who wouldn't be who had a autistic son who'd been abused and it's no longer living at home and stuck in a
psych ward that's two hours away so things move pretty fast like the next day we went out and spent the whole day together talking about nonsense just
driving around Western Mass so she wanted me to meet her son I don't know if it was that weekend or the next weekend but I met him
and even though everyone made him out to be a monster and she said he had a lot of problems I could tell that even though he was drugged beyond belief that
those doctors went out of their way to give him a PRN every time they could give it to him so that he couldn't function but I could see the light in
this kid's eyes and I knew I could help so I decided there that yes you know I want to be a part of this I can help this kid even if our relationship
doesn't work out I know I can help this kid especially when she told me about the way that no one ever listens to her they ignore her realistic concerns because
they always did and we're gonna find out this entire story is disgusting so from that point on
every other weekend Beth and I would take the two hour drive there two hour drive back to see her son and the
doctors are pompous asses I'm gonna try not to swear on this but ugh man they're such pompous disgusting people they don't care about any of those kids in
the psych ward and I've spent time in a psych ward and they didn't care about me either all they did was drug me up and made me so much worse I mean I would have never even signed the right way to
my kids if I wasn't drugged up like that because I felt empty inside so I know what this kid's going through I had to fight with them they treated
her like trash I fought with them to get him to go outside to use the swings like oh no he's a monster he's gonna attack you
this and that such nonsense all the time from these people it's disgusting like no wonder Beth was always stressed out I even brought my nephew up there who he
was like eight or made ten at the time he was young 10 10 years old I wouldn't bring a 10 year old to see a monster on
these long four-hour total trips and you'd only get to hang out for like a half hour maybe it was it was miserable but when you care about someone you know
you find a way oh man the disgusting Hospital filed reports against her and her husband for
abandoning their son in the psych ward hours away which was absolutely ridiculous like just to harass these people and stress
them out they purposely do this to stress people out to hurt them that's all that is so I told her to ignore it I'm like no
don't don't listen to anything these people say and then wait for the state to find appropriate housing form they're
trying to stick them hours away in these horror show group homes all you read is complaint after complaint of abuse and neglect and they're all like that so
it's not you know you just try to pick the better of the the horrible places
so we waited it out and we ended up she found Crystal Springs was agreed upon it looked like a beautiful place all
snice and pretty everybody pretended to be you know a friend of the disabled so I had hoped that Beth's you know
nerves would come but they didn't the people there all they did was Lie to our faces and I'll say hour because I
was a part of it she had agreed and her husband at a time had agreed that I can have a voice because nobody listened to them anyway and I have a big mouth and I love disabled people and what a
coincidence I'm disabled too now so remember that all these disabled people who were just nice to me all these years because they knew that you know deep down I was really one of them like
you're one of us man protect us man these people make me sick they shook my hand and told me to my face many
times oh we're gonna bring them on home visits and this place was like an hour and 45 minutes from where we lived it was ridiculous
they're gonna make all these positive improvements to his life we're going to take him to the mall we're gonna do all these activities take them swimming
I think they took them swimming a couple times and the entire time he was there it was absolutely ridiculous they never took him to the mall they lied about
everything to our faces and then they stuck them in the closet oh I'm gonna try to slow the story down because some of this stuff just it
sticks like deep inside me I have memories like uh but when we first started he was scratching people and going at
people he was very upset not a lot of medication and I had none of that I'm like no he's coming off all the medication his mother wanted him off
but everyone else was saying no he needed to be on him so I was the Lone voice that's like no she said no the answer is no don't ever
say anything again I don't care what you say your opinion doesn't matter the mother said no so the answer is no I had to be an ass all the time and I loved it
I was such a pompous ass every single time I love putting Liars in their place I love putting people that exaggerate and say oh we're gonna do this and then
they never do it in their place for lying it's a it's it's like one of my pet peeves I can't get over it oh it was disgusting so many meetings
had to be stopped they said we'd sound aggressive all they did was try to teach her son thumbs up hey look step in thumbs up
thumbs up all the time and then made him out to be a monster so I got sick of it I'm like you know what we're done we're gonna start taking them on ourselves
they're like oh no you need restraint training first I've gone through restraint training it's absolute trash it's not it's okay to use on certain
people but if you don't need to use it you don't need to use it at all talk use your words we're human beings all of these kids understand English and if you
talk to them they listen maybe they can't respond or maybe you're not saying things in a way that they understand but if you keep saying things eventually
you're going to get things across the first couple times we took our son out he was awesome
I think maybe the first or second time I had to yank him out of the car when we got back he didn't want to leave he wasn't misbehaving he just wouldn't get out of
the car so when he wasn't looking I just slid him out he wasn't happy but he didn't attack me so I wanted to go home I'm in disability I'm hurting oh my God
I would stay longer if I could but I'm sorry man but I didn't take that against him because I would I wouldn't want to leave either if I was hanging out with me we
took him to a flea market where there was hundreds of people he behaved himself like beautifully he never acted like he never acted out in a way that
was totally ridiculous one time we were driving towards the place he was abused hoping to take him to the zoo he got all squirrely in the
car so we had to pull into a parking lot and he kept crawling through the SUV and out the back and acting all it was all ridiculous but he had a
problem and I didn't know they were driving towards that area and he seemed upset about something and it wasn't until I
told him no more closet that he started to behave himself him
he looked ashamed he didn't he knew exactly what was going on I have to reword some of the things I say just I'm just talking too fast and I get
excited but when he was upset in the car flipping around I told Beth to step back I'm taking complete control of the situation I'm not gonna yell at him
we're just gonna talk to him and he climbed in on that car a couple times and it was only toward when he went towards the road that I would pull him back and tell him no
but up until that point they were sticking him in the closet all the time there's so much stuff I'm about to go over and redo these stories in the future but
every child that goes into these group homes they come up with plans so when something happens you know what to do and Stefan has a auditory issues he has
headphones but when happy kids start screaming or unhappy kids it doesn't matter why it bothers them and he'd like
to leave the situation and he was supposed to have staff to bring him out of these classrooms and down the hallway to walk away so he can be stress-free
but instead they would stick him in a closet and then they said he liked the closet which is an absolute lie no kids ever
want to be stuck in the closet I was stuck in the closet in fifth grade for the whole day for weeks and it was months and I I did so many ridiculous
things in the closet damage and stuff gluing books together because I had nothing better to do just stuck in a closet like I'm surprised I never lost
my mind but I could see why I hate that closet now so when the time came and the paperwork was supposed to be signed to put them
back in the closet we refused and then we were driving home without swearing Rich Mancini called
Beth it was on speakerphone and started threatening her to call an ambulance I don't know if they did call the ambulance and they did send them to the
ER but they said they were going to keep doing it until she signed that paperwork and then I got loud I probably swore but I'm like I don't know who you're talking
to but this is never gonna happen ever again and then he act oh I didn't know you were on the phone and I'm like well I don't care if you know who's on the phone you're not gonna put kids in the
closet don't worry he's acting out right now I don't care if he's acting out deal with it talk to him and then magically he
never had any behaviors it never needed to be put in the closet for that ever again but how did that change he just oh we're gonna have to keep calling the ambulance and bring it to
the ER and then magically he doesn't have any more behaviors like that like he was just testing to see if I was lying about not putting him in the
closet and I'm not gonna lie to kids like that just to get what I want all I need you to behave right now nothing's gonna happen later just behave and get in the car and we'll go home and then
we're gonna be stuck in the closet and lie oh it was ridiculous there and then covert came and then they made
it worse I think all of this stressed Beth out beyond belief every single night she couldn't sleep but at some point her daughter moved out
so that made things worse her daughter was being independent and thought living with her dad would be a better better but it wasn't in the end but kids have
to learn on their own so a lot of the time that we spent with Stefan was just us and Stefan we fought and fought to get him out of
Crystal Springs and then they moved them KDC house in Uxbridge it was slightly closer
but then the same ridiculous problems of abuse we'd show up there'd be holes punched in the wall no explanation oh one of the
kids acts out like you couldn't give us a heads up just let us know that you know there's damage going on in the house and these kids are getting Squirrely and they're
upset enough to punch the wall and then there were scratches on her son's hand that were infected you could
tell it's like a weak or more old but there's infections that are not documented so that I had to get reported so then KDC
they got their contract revoked and it they moved over to a company amigo and I feel like this is where like a lot
of the problems real problems started especially I I got off of my thyroid medication so this is probably a big
problem for me because one of the people that started managing the house that Stefan was living in an Uxbridge
worked with him in the house that he was abused in before I met both Beth and Stefan and then we showed up
and Stefan had a a hand print from a man squeezing his arm from having to yank
him around and then Stefan started jumping up and down in front of this person in a way I've never seen before you could tell
like he's acting out because he wants me to say something to this guy and when I saw that handprint
I had a flashback and I had no idea at the time what was going on in my head and why I felt like somebody was punching me in the chest
1so I walked up to the guy and I started asking questions and he started telling me the most horrifying things I've ever
heard in my entire life this guy worked at Evergreen previously
the night Stefan was abused people heard it they knew what was going on and then nobody did anything about it
until after the fact he said that they had to clean up the entire mess the bloody
urine and feces mess that happened because Stefan released his bowels after he was slapped across the face so hard
that it blew his eardrum out and left a handprint on his face years ago and I'm standing there in front of this guy like with with tears in my eye but I
would never I kept asking my questions like no what happened next well what did you do like why wasn't someone called and he kept answering my question
probably I probably looked terrifying but I couldn't understand at that time like what was going on until that court
date May 24th priests used to yank me around just like that in class because they could not sit
still they'd come and get me why can't you sit still why do you ask so many questions because you people have a lot of dumb answers or you don't have any
answers so it's sickening man uh even as an adult people give me grub why do you have so many questions why don't you have any answers why is every time I ask
you a question you change the subject or just say something that doesn't make any sense so we had to file reports to get Stefan
out of Uxbridge and out of Amigos care absolutely terrible there's more incidents I try to keep this video a
little shorter in this aspect but I'm hoping that this sees people if people see this and can do something about this because I've
tried doing stuff about the abuse and nothing and my lawyers that I had wanted to comfort this stuff up
so after Stefan left Oxbridge and Amigo man I already moved Southbridge I can't
remember the name of the company either way it was horrible there too there was more
abuse there was some there was a client that lived there that liked to rip his clothes off and get violage and scream and slam things
around when things didn't happen on time or we weren't told about that before we moved in the cleanliness in that house was absolutely disgusting the bathroom
upstairs looked like no one had ever cleaned it the shower the shower was so disgusting the filth on the wall was thick Beyond like Beyond imagination I
carry stuff with me like tools and when I scraped it it was it was disgusting and then
nobody noticed this but when my thyroid's off my mind just starts to change
towards the end when he was living in Southbridge the company started lying and saying absolutely ridiculous things
oh we're gonna start taking Stefan for walks because none of these companies like to take any of these kids for our service oh there's not enough people or
these kids don't want to go they told the dog we're gonna start taking stepping for walks and we're gonna have two people two people do it and there's only two
people in the house for five guys so how do you have five people with two staff but then you use two
staff to take one person for a walk and I didn't realize how badly that had affected me and Beth had asked me to
write an email complaining about it to a state worker we were talking with man ugh
and also at the time I was talking to my son being reminded of all these things in the past that totally just tore my mind
apart this Coast Guard I couldn't understand how my body had fallen apart and how I I couldn't explain it to
anyone all these highs in my life when I deal with the court I should have won but then somebody said something dumb just because you paid child support
doesn't give you a right to see your kids every time I say that it just ah I feel like a little pain in my head like Ugh and when I'm sick that stuff drives
me mad and I was doing that stuff right at the end that same weekend they had us
a new manager that was involved and then they were trying to get rid of her because she was too good and she was on the company's ass about all their lies
and all their false promises Beth was on my but about the email that was taking me too long to write and her daughter had just moved in
and there was a I just done a ton of cleaning and then the stupidity started I went over my mother's house and just out of
nowhere she fell down and broke her wrist you gotta be kidding me man I want to talk to you about stuff I'm all stressed out
I go home at night and then my father tells me I don't want you to buy a car I don't want the parking lot I know the driveway looking like a parking lot
it boggled my mind to like who says stuff like that you know I'm disabled and we live out in the middle of nowhere why wouldn't you want me to get a car
but then Beth didn't see that she just thought that I was like being crabby and upset
that was like mad at her that this is her fault which none of it was ever her fault she never did anything for me that hurt me if anything if you see pictures
of all the crap I had like she allowed me to buy so many toys and have so much crap that in the end it was like a huge pain in the ass to move out like I don't
ever want that much stuff again like Ugh saw junk so she had no idea what was going on with me and all these
ridiculous things and then the very same night uh pain just drives me nuts after my father said that stuff I was doing dishes and her daughter Olivia
came downstairs and asked you to sink and I took it as like an attack she's like hey can I use this hey can I pull
this out it was just dirty water and I just ran off onto the porch went to have a smoke
and then try to forget it then the next morning it all started
Beth got up upset wondering why everything was taking so long and I told her I'd send out the email and I just wasn't feeling good and I needed a break
and she didn't want to break she wanted to keep talking and when I'm in those moods all I want to do is run I
don't want to talk to anybody nothing makes any sense it's just overwhelming and I could never explain it before I never even knew it
was happening I thought I was just fine and I thought everybody else had problems and that Beth was just upset because she wanted to keep talking even
though she wasn't mean I still perceive it to be mean even though I talk about it I feel like ah you're attacking me and I'm like Jesus Christ I even wrote myself an email
weeks after the this October 4th incident happened and still like uh I can't believe I
wrote that I'm like man I sound like such a baby such a crybaby so no wonder she lost her mind when I ran out the door I feel like I'm gonna redo this video
this is pretty bad it's 20 minutes long I feel like I've missed so much but maybe it's a good start marriage just leave my crap here
oh man that morning was terrible I told her about Olivia and pouring that stuff in the sink and I kept telling her
I don't want to say anything to Olivia and she kept asking me what why don't you just tell her to pour in the basement like what's the problem and then it started I'm like I don't
ever say anything right everybody always gets upset at me when I say things so I need you to say it foreign
you being like this why is it such a big deal and I didn't know why it was a big deal I just wanted to get away I didn't want
to talk at all at that point I felt like I just don't want to talk so the fact that she kept talking was like she was coming at me like I did something wrong
she was blaming me and then I made the mistake of telling her about my dad and his stupid comment oh the driveway's not gonna look like a
parking lot I used to have a car but I had to get rid of it so she said she wanted to go over and say something to him like oh man why are you gonna go talk to them we don't have
money for a car right now anyway she was going to buy me a car because she owed me money for ruining my car and all the trips I went to take with my car
to visit her son and all the time they let her use it for work but even then the money that she was going to use was a pain in the ass because it was money
she got from a settlement for her son so it wasn't like you could use it for whatever you wanted so it didn't matter at the time so I just wanted to drop that too my God
I hate confrontation especially with my dad he was such an ass ugh I love my dad but you could never have a normal conversation with him without him getting mad about some ridiculous
nonsense or taking the conversation in a totally different direction but you never wanted to go in so after that I just uh man no no she
told me her daughter said I wasn't happy and I said it back I'm like you're right I'm not happy even though that's not true that wasn't the truth
I have a tendency to just say what other people say and go along with it when I'm sick I don't know why you don't look good yeah you're right I
don't look good like what are you talking about like why would you say that I look fantastic I look better than ever but if you say it I just go along with it
then we ran in the house we didn't run he walked into that room I just gotta keep we were and stuff it's just just a bad perspective such a bad
time when we went into the dining room I started grabbing my stuff I had a backpack it was all my fishing stuff and
Poncho and radio and everything I'd have when I come out hiking and she kept talking me asking why I'm being like this
and I couldn't explain I remember walking away like like I don't understand what's going on I don't know if she's talking to herself or
trying to talk to me talk sense into me but nothing she was saying was working and I can tell it was very maddening for her as well
but I thought she was mad at me I didn't now that I see it in my head looking back that she wasn't mad at me and she was upset with the situation
after that I went upstairs because I had my pajamas on I was grabbing my clothes so I could leave and then she followed me up and locked us the dogs in the
middle bedroom and we kept talking none of this was ever a yelling screaming match ever which makes it even more maddening thinking about it now must have been
even more unbelievable to her her daughter was still in the room next door sleeping oh we're in the middle bedroom
I have no idea what she said normally I can hear everything and even if I try to tune people out I can't but when I'm not
feeling well I can just make a humming noise in my head and block everything out I don't know how long we were upstairs
but when I finally told her hey you know I haven't heard a word you said I don't care I just want to leave she just like lost it
she's like I don't want to call the cops hey you hit me stand in front of the dorm I don't care like just get out of the way move I just I'm leaving I want nothing to do with you I'm
oh and then she's like you know what I'm never gonna stop I hope you do kill
yourself this time and I believed it even though I did now I don't believe it I know she didn't mean that at that
moment I believed it I picked my dog up I told her get out of the way and I stopped talking probably on my
Chatterbox and somebody says something that upsets me I just won't stop but that like struck deep like I felt like no you know I've tried to kill myself
six times like why would you say that like we went downstairs I tried to grab my backpack she wouldn't let me grab my backpack
she won't let me grab my headphones she was very upset because I was done I seemed like I was done and I was upset because I thought
what she said she meant and oh my God I'm not dealing with any of that like one it's one thing to just let me go another room and just let me cool off
but if you say you want me to kill myself then no that's when I'm like that I'm not gonna be you can't reason with me it
doesn't make any sense so she I don't know if she was trying to videotape what I was doing or trying to
call the cops but I kept flagging my hand in front like no you're not calling the cops no you're not letting you're not forcing me to stay here like I feel like she was trying to keep me estate like she was trying to keep me there she
didn't want me to leave but I was just hell bent on leaving so when I got sick of it I'm like no you look glad and I just ran called the cops
I don't care but I'm not staying you're not forcing me to stay here and then hours later took hours for the cops to show up so I don't know what happened between the time I left for the
either way I had to carry my dog forever it was raining out I didn't have my Poncho I didn't have my backpack my dog's all wet but that was absolutely
ridiculous and then the cops come up and said oh did you accidentally elbow someone in the face which
I'm six feet that was 210 pounds at a time I was in better shape than I am now I if I got mad and elbowed somebody to face those were absolutely ridiculous
and I just even now it's like I feel like I thought back then I don't I'm not thinking with reason like
I was never mad at her I just wanted to get away and even though they're arresting me and I didn't even care I was just happy to be away from
that situation everyone's like oh you're not mad at her for saying that like I was never mad at her for saying that I'm not mad at her am I trying to get
revenge the cops are really nice to me and when they switched me over to the state police because the courts were I don't know what happened I had to wait
for someone to come bail me out they gave me like the nicest wool blanket and then my neck that had been bothering me for like a year finally
popped like so I'm gonna be all mad about all this stuff like some positive things came from it and then afterwards I could spend tons of time with my
nephew and then I started to forget like why I ran out because there was no problems at all
like the day before this incident occurred and now that I know exactly what
happened and why I was thinking the way I do like I'm not going to turn my back on someone and attack them I might have to redo this story because it's a convoluted mess but you know what oh
well I always tell people you say something wrong the first time correction when people get mad because it sounds like
trash Oh well some of my stories sound terrible so I'm gonna keep this long-winded 27 28
minute video and if I need to fix it and keep going I will thank you for watching
06-28
I had court in Worcester today and this jerk Bergo had me waiting around like an idiot for hours.
Text transcripts
Text Message • SMS
Bergo: Jun 28, 2023 at 12:20 PM Richard - this is attorney Bergo. I'm still stuck here in court 23. The judge got off the bench and we're all just stuck
waiting Court goes on the lunch break at 1pm. I'm hoping my case will get called before then so l won't get stuck coming back at 2pm. So if you want to meet today, we can do later this afternoon, or we can just
reschedule for another day What would be your
preference?
Ricky: Another day will be fine.
Bergo: Ok. I apologize, but unfortunately the court is down and there's nothing I can do. Ill call you and we can
schedule another meeting
Ricky: No problem
Text Message • SMS
July
July 23rd we went to the notch in Amherst and walked through the horse caves
4. I made a video about this moment and put it on YouTube. I felt like I was gonna cry like I had an epiphany. That was after Attorney ODoherty tried to get me to go to trial by surprise. He wouldn’t give me any details of what he was going to do. lol forking dirtbag.
Title:
Description I wrote for video series in 2023 after attorney O'Doherty tried to get me to have trial by surprise.
Hi I'm Ricky
My entire life has been a emotional and physical roller coaster.
I didn't discover i was suffering from hyperthyroidism until i was almost 40 years old, I'll be 45 this year. shortly after i found this out, i was able to solve another bizarre health issue i had developed.
Much to my dismay, I also happen to have a rare untreatable/incurable genetic skeletal muscle disorder. (Adenosine monophosphate deaminase deficiency)
this causes my muscles to cramp easily and i developed tendonitis without much
If i push myself to hard, i get rhabdomyolysis, this then causes kidney pain from the protein overload.
I've had over a dozen orthopedic surgeries,
trying to undo the damage I've done to myself, unfortunately because of all this, i am now on permanent disability.
i could never explain it in a way people understood, at different points in my life i went from feeling on top of the world, to feeling weak and on the verge of having a nervous breakdown for absolutely no reason. there were times my chest would feel like it was about to explode, i wouldn't be able to sit still,
people would just tell me to knock it off and behave myself. i stayed as positive as i could through it all. I went to the gym as much as i could, i always ate healthy and was open and honest with my doctors at every
I tried seeing therapists and was prescribed medication, yet none of that helped solve
my issues in any way, it always left me feeling worse, defeated, like i was letting everyone
around me down.
thankfully i never turned to street drugs or violence to try to solve any of my problems.
Unfortunately there were times I turned my pain inward and hurt myself instead, thinking that i wasn't hurting others this way. i was always made to feel like i couldn't be honest about how i was feeling both mentally and physically, because it didn't make sense, so i must be lying, i must be depressed or i must be seeking attention.
people close to me constantly called me lazy and said i needed to work more or find
different job or go to school.
At one point of another i took all of this advice and tried all i could to better myself, hoping it would solve ay problems, since i felt no one
truly believed me, i kept telling myself to stay positive and i keep pushing forward.
Video: My Epiphany as best I can explain it
Date: June 16, 2023 | Location: Springfield Description: Trying to talk about everything has been a disaster, I feel so passionate about these moments in my life that I almost feel like I’m right there again. I feel like I can describe what I felt/saw in myself that day, driving home, as an epiphany. My mind has been a yo-yo for as long as I can remember. But I’ve always tried to stand up for what I believe in, but over time I would crumble and run off afraid. Now I’m healthy enough and in a position to do what I never could before.
Transcript:
Part 1: The Epiphany & The Boy in the Closet Hi, I'm Ricky, and in this video, I'm going to try to explain my epiphany or insight into myself that I believe I've seen. But this is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I thought I would just be able to ramble on and get it all out without stuttering or mumbling my words, but I have not been able to do that.
Driving home from court that Wednesday, I just totally let all of my emotions out. All my life I've just been bottling everything up. I've always been made to feel like everything's been my fault and I'm the cause of all my problems. Even though—I mean, we are our own worst enemies, we can't deny that—all my problems are not just my problems. I didn't just cause problems. I wasn't a troublemaker, I wasn't an angry little kid, and I wasn't a vengeful person.
So I was driving home and I let it all out. I literally felt like I was staring at little me—six, seven, eight years old—wishing somebody would stand up and do the right thing when nobody was ever there. No one ever listened to me. Everyone always thought I was a troublemaker because I couldn't sit still, or because people said things about me that made me a bad person, even though those things weren't true. And for the first moment in my entire life, I feel like I can be myself and I can stand up for everything I believe in now. Just like that little Ricky would have always wanted. I grew up to be the person I always wanted to rescue me, that I always wanted to be there for me.
When I was in Catholic school at OLSH Springfield, the priests would come to get me because I couldn't sit still, or I'd have too many questions. Why are too many questions a bad thing? Why do I have to sit still? Why does that make me a bad kid? And why do you have to take your fist and drive it into my chest, push me up against the wall, and force me to answer your questions? Why do you have to yank me by the arm because you don't understand why I had some kind of problem in your eyes?
I can see why that disgusts me as an adult. It never makes me mad; it hurts. Every single time I hear people yelling at their kids or screaming at them for absolutely no reason, you can tell the kids don't understand what's going on. It's maddening to me. Finally, when I stood up for myself—I was like nine years old and told the priest to stop hurting me when people were in the hallway—they found a new way to torture me. In fifth grade, they stuck me in a closet when I couldn't sit still or couldn't stop talking. It's absolutely ridiculous that this kind of stuff would happen to a kid, and I know it still happens to this day to kids with disabilities. Massachusetts allows kids to be stuck in these time-out closets, and it's absolutely disgusting. Little Ricky wouldn't stand for this. Why shouldn't I speak up for it now when I have the chance?
Part 2: The Biological Fog & The Coast Guard Now I'm going before some judges and I have a say. I'm not gonna just let them control the entire situation, tell me what's going on, twist everyone's words, and twist facts when they don't even care about anyone in the first place. All they want to do is cover all this stuff up and act like they're the good guys. The state has never been the good guys, and little Ricky would know that. As an adult, I learned by heart how much the state doesn't care about anyone.
I've never had anybody there by my side to stick up for me or help me through these hard times, especially because I was sick through all of it—having hyperthyroidism, anxiety, and panic attacks to no end. Every time my thyroid acts up, my mind reverts back to the time that I was locked in that closet. I just want to be alone. I have no will to stand up to authority.
I joined the Coast Guard at the end of 1998, and my thyroid was acting up. I couldn't explain to anybody, and nobody understood or listened to the fact that I couldn't sleep. I was awake for weeks on end. I had no one to turn to, and then I joined the Coast Guard, which was the worst idea. I couldn't do any more push-ups, I couldn't do any pull-ups. I lost my mind and tried to split my head open on the wall, but I didn't have the strength. I remember staring in the mirror, losing my mind. I didn't even feel like I was in my body anymore; it was the strangest feeling I've ever experienced. I knew nobody would believe what was wrong with me, because no one ever believed what was wrong with me my whole life. I banged my head as many times as I could—like 50 times—until I had a giant egg right in the middle of my forehead. Then I laid on the floor, pretending to be passed out, hoping they would just see me and send me home because I had an injury. But when they came in and did their sternal rub, it sent me right back to my childhood. I was in complete panic mode. Just imagine somebody shoving their fists up against your chest: "What's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?" And I had no answers. I never had any answers until a couple of years ago.
Part 3: Losing My Kids to the System When I came home from the hospital, nobody seemed to care. Nobody asked any questions. I confessed to close cousins and friends, "Dude, I faked amnesia, I lost my mind, I can't understand it," and everybody just forgot it. So I just moved on. I had a daughter at the time, and that didn't work out. I ended up breaking up with her, met somebody else, and got married. In the interim, I signed my right to visitation away from my daughter, all because of a statement in court that drove me nuts while I was sick. The judge basically said, "Just because you pay child support doesn't give you a right to see your children." That is the most disgusting, nonsensical thing I've ever heard. You get supervised visitations for people that actually are monsters! When people say stuff like that to me when I'm sick, it just makes my mind feel like it's splitting. I didn't have the strength to stand up to these authority figures that say ridiculous stuff in court. How could a judge stand by some disgusting statement like that? So I let my daughter go.
While I was married the first time, I had my son. That fell apart for various reasons—I'm sure I was a big part of it, I don't have to blame anybody else. But then, in my infinite wisdom, I tried to kill myself. I drank vodka and Captain Morgan's, ended up in the hospital, and then they sent me to the psych ward. The medication they gave me in the psych ward totally destroyed my mind. It was the most horrible feeling I could ever explain. When you look at people you know you love, and you feel absolutely nothing. My first marriage ended, she met someone who loved my son and wanted him to be his own, and in my infinite wisdom, I signed my rights away to him and let him adopt him. That's not what I ever wanted in my entire life, but I was sick, and when I'm sick, I just seem to follow dumb orders that don't make any sense to me.
Part 4: The Hampden County Coercion & Surviving the Darkness As time went on, I just tried to deal with it on my own. I started working out all the time—ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to feel like a superhero. Around 2010, I met another girl and explained everything to her: the fake amnesia, trying to kill myself, all of it. We ended up getting married, and that turned into a disaster.
I got hit by a car that didn't have car insurance, the police tampered with the report, and I fought in court by myself while I was sick. They took advantage of my sickness, created a fake receipt, and lied to me. To find out the girl never paid for the window in the first place, and the ADA passed off a fake receipt so I would pay more of a penalty—it just ripped my mind apart.
Then the Commonwealth found a magic, forged court order giving me some access to information, and they filed charges of forgery against me. All these lawyers started running for the hills when they actually saw the information, because the evidence blatantly showed the police, the ADA, and the judge were responsible. It's a bold-faced lie. I was fine handling that when I'm healthy, but when I'm sick and I think about this, I feel like I'm gonna have a stroke. My mind just splits.
My wife wanted to leave, and I tried to kill myself again. I cut myself on my left arm. It was a total disaster. My wife moved out, I convinced her to move back in (I don't even know how, she probably felt sorry for me). Then I tried to kill myself two more times. I ended up with somebody putting a gun to my head while I was going to my lawyer's office in Northampton. I was such a mess. I probably could have taken the guy, and I would have fought if I was healthy, but it just disgusts me that I broke down. That's when I decided I'm just gonna plead guilty. I didn't commit any crimes, so I didn't feel guilty. I just felt jaded. Like, how can you do this to people? These people are so depraved, they have no conscience whatsoever.
Part 5: Rescuing "Little Ricky" & The Death of My Father So I got divorced, and I met somebody else (Beth). That turned into a giant mess because she had a disabled son. Instead of just admitting to myself what I was doing, in my mind I thought I was helping him. But in reality, I was trying to help myself. I saw him as "little me," and I was trying to rescue him. I was way more invested than normal people are. But I loved him, and I loved his mom.
We were living next to my dad, which sucked because we never got along. We're just two totally different people. He always wanted to work, and I always thought life was about family. His life ended up just being work, because he ended up getting esophageal cancer, and 13 days later he was gone. He left me nothing but memories—happy memories, bad memories. It makes you really think about things. I'm 44 years old, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm on disability now, I can't do everything I used to do, and I've had so many surgeries it's ridiculous.
Part 6: Drawing the Line in Worcester I was almost ready to just settle into being a nobody, doing nothing with my life, until that feeling in court. I knew they wanted her (Beth) to give up, and then throw my ex under the bus and make her out to be a monster to cover up the abuse her son went through.
I feel like this is my time. I went through all of this trash in my life to prepare myself for this moment. I did it that Friday in court and started standing up for myself and for people with no voice. How can any of this ever be allowed? Everyone just gets upset and they stop talking. It doesn't matter whose fault any of this is, because there's a problem and nobody wants to solve the problem—they just want to hide the fact that there is a problem. I'm not going to slander my ex's name or fight her in court over things that she never even did.
I'm finally taking a stand for what I believe in and what I feel is right, and I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to let people tell me that I can't have a voice. Even my ex knows—we talked about this all the time, along with the abuse of her son that was never-ending. The Commonwealth knew all about it. She wanted me to fight this case, but I just wanted to have it sealed. Even now, it sickens me thinking about it. I just want to go cuddle with my dog or go for a walk. But I'm gonna deal with it, because it happens to other people and they don't deserve it either.
I hope anybody that watches this understands, and I hope it makes more sense than my last videos. I feel like I'm slowly starting to pull myself together and not be so emotional. Have a nice day, and I'll talk to you later.
===============================================
September
September 8 Cool storms past by and i used slow-motion to record it.
September 17th domini went to the notch in Amherst and walked up the west side whatever that is
September 26th rugged maniac with Dominic
October
October 2nd Big E with James and Dom I have some video and I could take some stills from this those are the coolest concert I've been to in years vanilla ice was singing and then someone in a Michelangelo ninja turtle costume came out and was dancing and doing goofy karate moves it was awesome I felt like I was a kid again back in the 80s
November
?
December
16th that was outside talking with the neighbor and her daughter brought over her baby piglet and I got to hold it
December 22, 2023 tried to get a harassment order against the Worcester County district attorney office and Joe early. They were stalling my case and withholding evidence and acting stupid. When I talk to this judge in Hampton county about it, he said he didn’t know who to contact he was just as confused as everyone else on earth I ask.
https://youtu.be/mnP7yW3x6yk?si=3Revh1scJKHSNKD6
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