January I bought a telescope to take better pictures of the sky.
February I practiced with the telescope and camera but I had bought for Dominic and I to use
March I broke up with the girl I was seeing, Our and I don’t think she understood me and I was not able to explain things to her anyway then I felt was healthy.
April
The beginning of April I reached out to a local blogger who goes by the name of Hell's acres and I nagged this guy like you wouldn't believe and pumped him with information and it got him to start writing stories about my friend Tammy again he had written one back in 2012 and I thought it was very strange that he's the only person who's taken a serious interest in this case. I notice other bloggers in the past have copied information from his page but no one did their own investigation or homework. He also did a story on another local boy who was murdered and found dumped in the Chicopee River.
The Daniel Croteau Murder, Part 1
In the last two years this blogger has written over 25 stories about my friend Tammy's' death and it has still been hard to spark public interest in her case.
The 1994 Fox Road Murder Mystery, Part 1
April 22 Dom caught a baby rabbit video
May 15 I really started writing my life story stuff down, I sent this to a friend. They weren’t interested. lol
"This has been a totally positive experience for me. It was totally in line what my original goals- I wanted to talk about how my life events have effected me. I feel like talking about this case and digging deep into how I feel about everything that has happened in my life, is constantly giving me new insight into how I came to be the person I am today.
I forgot that I started seeing a therapist at a pretty young age, maple st in Springfield and a place in Holyoke near the mall.
I couldn’t explain anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations, muscle weakness, low energy, racing thoughts and sleepless nights. I assume everyone thought it was adhd or that I was molested and/or just acting out for attention.
I can remember having panic attacks and feeling trapped when inside a room as a child, but it would go away outside. Therapists would take me for walks and we would talk outside. I never understood why I felt trapped and needed to escape small rooms, until thinking about my times in the psych ward for suicide attempts. It wasn’t a feeling I experienced all the time, it would go away for months and then come back. At times it was totally overwhelming and uncontrollable, I would pace hallways and feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Because of therapy, I learned about our bodies and all types of adult relationships at a very young age, I was questioned about being touched. Thankfully I never was. I found all the conversations totally fascinating. None of the other adults in my life could ever talk like this and still can’t. I never felt afraid while talking with these therapists. They told me all about adults hurting children and other children hurting children. How people lash out at others and misbehave when they’ve been hurt and don’t talk about it.
These people instilled in me a love of science, anatomy and physiology, the wonders of the human mind. They answered every question I could come up with and were always open and honest with me, especially if they didn’t know an answer. When they asked if anyone ever touched me, I said no. When I asked them why someone would do that? These therapists always told me the truth, unlike our parents growing up. I never heard about any of this stuff from them, our parents didn’t talk to us about anything, let alone being open and honest about adult type scary issues. They weren’t taught how to explain it in a way kids would or could understand, but my therapists could.
These people taught me true empathy( granted I love to mouth off at times, I have feelings too). I got to interact with other little kids who were having horrifying issues or had disabilities. This one kids mom got beat up by his dad and when he went to help, he got punched trying to save her. Kids with Down syndrome, autism. I felt like it was always playtime and get to know you time, while at therapy.
I also remember the bad times, times Drs would threaten to stick me with needles, all because the medication they gave me was making me feel so sick, so empty inside and I didn’t want to take the medication anymore. I think this was 4th grade. How does a child explain how he’s feeling to incompetent adults? Adults who have never taught him how to explain how he is actually feeling. ( I experienced this same terrible emptiness as an adult. I was on medication for my misdiagnosed issues, it was just horrible as an adult )
I must just try to block things out: remembering these things made me wish I could’ve said “shut the frack up” , to so many adults as a child.
I told my mom this, I told her it wasn’t personal and she laughed.
I couldn’t fracking stand it when adults would say things like. 🤣
- just tell me what’s wrong, it’s okay, I won’t get mad. ( did I seem afraid to tell them?)
- if someone hurt you, you don’t have to be embarrassed, you can tell us. ( did I act like someone touched me?)
-why do you keep acting like this? ( good question)
- why can’t you just sit still? ( I know now, assholes)
-what’s wrong with you? ( I wish I knew then, duh)
-you’re fine, just go to bed. ( this advice didn’t work as an adult either).
one time in the hallways, a teacher said this to me, out loud, in front of a group of adults in 6th grade- You’re like dealing with a alcoholic. ( I can see how they thought that now, I was having panic attacks and getting stuck on one idea. This happened to me as an adult as well, this used to make me feel horrible as a child, I didn’t mean to upset people with my constant fidgeting and questions. My therapists were always open and honest about everything and would take me on walks when I was uncomfortable inside. my teachers and parents were never caring in that way. I didn’t understand the difference. I couldn’t understand why some adults talked openly and others would get pissed off when I asked a question or I wasn’t feeling as good as they thought I looked. )
I totally forgot this too. I always took the bus home, when I went to O.L.S.H. ,I went 1st-7th grade. In 3rd grade my parents had ordered new couches and the day they were supposed to come in, I get picked up early from school, for no reason. I was so excited to go home and see the new couches, I didn’t ask why I was leaving early. When I got home, the couches were there, along with my mom and some stranger. I recall kinda bouncing on the squishy new foam, I had lots of energy. Not jumping, I just couldn’t sit still. My parents and this guy kept asking me about a fight on the bus. I was totally clue less. One of these- it’s okay if you tell us, you won’t get in trouble. They kept asking if I was mad at anyone or if I saw anyone fighting.
Then they showed me a picture of a bite mark. You couldn’t tell exactly where it was, but you could see the teeth ring clear as day, it wasn’t a hicky type mark or bruise.
Then I was asked to bite some kinda device with paper in it, I remember thinking it was really cool, I never got to do anything like that before and had to do it a couple times, it must’ve been with ink and a coating. It didn’t get on my teeth, but there was an instant result. This wasn’t some hard mold of my mouth. My parents and this guy were all nice the whole time.
Then in therapy the subject came up. Probably in a how was your week type question. My therapist told me that someone bit one of my female bus-mates on her “ upper inner thigh” and that the little girl said it happened on the bus. No one made a big deal about it, so I didn’t press the issue, I asked a couple questions and remember her showing me a drawing/photocopy of a person and the therapist drew a circle by this drawings crotch. I didn’t understand what was really being asked of me, it didn’t make sense to me how someone was bitten there in a fight.
( as an adult, the thought is absolutely disgusting to me. I can remember the picture from the “guy/detective”, I can remember the drawing and the spot the therapist drew on it. Someone's head was between her legs.)
I asked my mom what she remembered, she had forgotten all about it, it was never brought up again and doesn’t know what became of the case and never heard about that girl again.
Who knows what else was going on at that time, no one talks about anything. WTF
Talking about all the stuff people keep to themselves. All because I couldn’t sit still, my 5th grade teacher would lock me in a closet for hours/days/weeks on end. I would eat my lunch in there and I spent recess in there. I couldn’t stop talking or sit still, I couldn’t explain why or what I was feeling, I was 10 years old. Talking made me feel better, I felt an uncontrollable urge to talk. My birthday is oct 1978, this class was 1988/89, I have my class photos with dates.
I still have stones I stole from that closet too. My mom seemed upset when I told her about all this, she didn’t know I was locked in a closet, she burst out laughing when i told her- I spent so much time in that closet, I was able to glue every single page, to every single book in that closet. It was like therapy, I felt like I was going out of my mind and gluing everything in that closet together helped me through it all. There were hundreds of books, history, math, English, science, every piece of construction paper, every church booklet, pamphlet were all glued and pressed together. There were bottles of glue. I left nothing unglued. Vhs tape insides were filled with glue. Everything was placed back where I took it from, it all looked nice and neat.
As I research more, this was also the same year my grandfather died, I was close with him and he worked as a janitor at olsh. No wonder I was an extra mess. I must’ve been feeling the love.
I never got in trouble for that. No one ever mentioned it either. I wonder if that teacher could’ve gone to jail or lost her job for keeping me caged in that closet for so long? Is that why it was never brought up? 🤣 totally bonkers
Father Gerald Lapean used to rough me up too. I can’t remember anyone ever hitting/slapping me at school, but the priests would slam me against walls, squeeze my shoulders, shove me into chairs and yank my arms.
Sister Winnie tried to drag me down the stairs by my arm one time in 4th grade and I refused. I held the railing as hard as I could and she kept yanking on me, until she fell. My parents came in and I got in trouble for not listening, but nothing was said about all the bruising on my arms.
I wonder if a lot of the stupid crap I did as a kid was for attention, I was crying out for help or just trying to get people back for the way they treated me?
Food for thought. 💠"
May 23, 2023 attorney ODoherty asked to be dismissed and I mouthed off so I need to get more of a description. Within my video I told this judge about calling the FBI or reporting this stuff to the Governors Office the Attorney General's Office the Department of Justice, the Office of the Bar something like that too, watch video and put correct description.
https://youtu.be/jhF6ilH8zW4?si=QQuaIogA_I5j34yI
June 14, 2023 video about my feeling after attorney ODoherty tried to get me to have trial by surprise.
https://youtu.be/4hXmNYkUWio?si=ivQaWLPOXp48S47t
June 14, 2023
https://youtu.be/9d2haFlPHY8?si=PY1NE94IBOEowSeF
July 23rd we went to the notch in Amherst and walked through the horse caves
4. I made a video about this moment and put it on YouTube. I felt like I was gonna cry like I had an epiphany. That was after Attorney ODoherty tried to get me to go to trial by surprise. He wouldn’t give me any details of what he was going to do. lol forking dirtbag.
Message I wrote for video series in 2023 after attorney O'Doherty tried to get me to have trial by surprise.
Hi I'm Ricky
My entire life has been a emotional and physical roller coaster.
I didn't discover i was suffering from hyperthyroidism until i was almost 40 years old, I'll be 45 this year. shortly after i found this out, i was able to solve another bizarre health issue i had developed.
Much to my dismay, I also happen to have a rare untreatable/incurable genetic skeletal muscle disorder. (Adenosine monophosphate deaminase deficiency)
this causes my muscles to cramp easily and i developed tendonitis without much
If i push myself to hard, i get rhabdomyolysis, this then causes kidney pain from the protein overload.
I've had over a dozen orthopedic surgeries,
trying to undo the damage I've done to myself, unfortunately because of all this, i am now on permanent disability.
i could never explain it in a way people understood, at different points in my life i went from feeling on top of the world, to feeling weak and on the verge of having a nervous breakdown for absolutely no reason. there were times my chest would feel like it was about to explode, i wouldn't be able to sit still,
people would just tell me to knock it off and behave myself. i stayed as positive as i could through it all. I went to the gym as much as i could, i always ate healthy and was open and honest with my doctors at every
I tried seeing therapists and was prescribed medication, yet none of that helped solve
my issues in any way, it always left me feeling worse, defeated, like i was letting everyone
around me down.
thankfully i never turned to street drugs or violence to try to solve any of my problems.
Unfortunately there were times I turned my pain inward and hurt myself instead, thinking that i wasn't hurting others this way. i was always made to feel like i couldn't be honest about how i was feeling both mentally and physically, because it didn't make sense, so i must be lying, i must be depressed or i must be seeking attention.
people close to me constantly called me lazy and said i needed to work more or find
different job or go to school.
At one point of another i took all of this advice and tried all i could to better myself, hoping it would solve ay problems, since i felt no one
truly believed me, i kept telling myself to stay positive and i keep pushing forward.
September 8 Cool storms past by and i used slow-motion to record it.
September 17th domini went to the notch in Amherst and walked up the west side whatever that is
September 26th rugged maniac with Dominic
October 2nd Big E with James and Dom I have some video and I could take some stills from this those are the coolest concert I've been to in years vanilla ice was singing and then someone in a Michelangelo ninja turtle costume came out and was dancing and doing goofy karate moves it was awesome I felt like I was a kid again back in the 80s
December 16th that was outside talking with the neighbor and her daughter brought over her baby piglet and I got to hold it
December 22, 2023 tried to get a harassment order against the Worcester County district attorney office and Joe early. They were stalling my case and withholding evidence and acting stupid. When I talk to this judge in Hampton county about it, he said he didn’t know who to contact he was just as confused as everyone else on earth I ask.
https://youtu.be/mnP7yW3x6yk?si=3Revh1scJKHSNKD6
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