2009

2009

 The beginning of 2009 I was so bored at work working at the country and in suites I started building matchstick models, I put plastic models together, and I started doing cross stitching just to help pass the time.

Hello, they used to sell the coolest designs for cross stitching at these hobby shops so now they don’t even have hobby shops like they used to 

February 20

This trip to the museum was right after I had let Darlene wax my head. I don't know why I thought that would be a great idea, but I thought if I let someone wax my head, I'd never have to shave my head again. It was so painful, it took so long, my head beet red for a week or two. I had always loved coming to this museum as a kid, and I had hoped Dom would learn to love it as well, These dinosaur events always reminded me of Jurassic Park come on going to the movies with my dad.

march 2009 Took Dom, my sister, Darlene and and her kids to the Springfield Science Museum. I've always loved coming here and they had a better dinosaur exhibit this time around

March  

I worked for Allied rehab around this time in Connecticut I remember my knee was hurting and I felt absolutely terrible at work and I still worked harder than those fat lazy slobs my manager was the biggest piece of trash. I only work for this company for a few months I got the job through Mary Walbridge because her sister was a program manager at this company and this lady had the worst attitude ever. I have never worked for a company that has helped those with disabilities that has used the word retard more than this company. I worked with some of the laziest people in the world, I got in trouble because I would volunteer to do stuff and then say I don't care. Somebody tried to call me out in front of a group of people for saying I don't care, saying it sounds terrible when you say that. And then I pointed out in front of everyone I'm the only one who volunteers to ever do anything, I don't think any of these jobs are really that big of a deal and I don't see why anyone complains. I was let go laid off not that long after that. lol 

                                                                         Holyoke Road race

April

Blind therapist

Early summer saw a blind therapist, I thought seeing someone couldn’t see me, would prevent someone from pre-judging me by my looks. 

I was seeing therapists at BHN right before this, but no one ever listened to what I was saying or paid attention for that matter. I honestly can't think of one therapist who has ever truly helped me come to any realizations at all. lol

This summer I left BHN and went back to the same building on Maple Street in Springfield that I saw therapists as the child, in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. 

I can't recall exactly what put that thought into my head, maybe someone told me "I'm a good looking guy" and "I shouldn't have these issues", lol either way something got me thinking, if I could find some that doesn't have a clue what I look like, they might actually listen to me for once, since I felt like I had a lot to say, yet no one ever actually listened. I'm not sure how many visits I went to, but this woman didn't understand me at all.

I felt desperate at this point, the erectile dysfunction was driving me nuts, lol I don't know how I found a blind therapist, but I asked around and eventually found this woman that was at the same Maple Street location I went as a child.

 I tried as hard as I could to make this work. But I felt like she wanted me to think about things that had absolutely no relevance to what I was trying to figure out. 

I remember feeling really stupid talking to this blind woman as well, she would ask me to stare at the wall, clear my mind, then try to focus on nothing, it would never bring me any closer to any of the issues I was trying to address. I remember my mind racing out of control, thinking to myself, what is this going to solve? So I kept looking, I never wanted to give up on myself and moved on to the Griswold center in Palmer.

This is one of the first times that I really remember noticing that therapists don't really ask you "why" you "think" you feel the way you do or where we think all of our thoughts come from in the first place, and made this me want to start tracking how "I think" and investigate why "I feel" the way "I do", Especially because at the time I felt like those thoughts and feelings seemed to change for no apparent reason, it didn't make any sense to me and nothing she said had anything to do with erectile dysfunction, racing thoughts, muscle weakness or anything I felt was helpful. lol 

Every time I put a quarter and that stupid gate to leave, it reminds me of being a kid, I loved doing that. lol

It's sad to think every single therapist I've ever talked to has tried to help me forget about my issues and tried to get me to move on, without ever discovering what caused my problems in the first place. 

If anything their inability to see the big picture, caused me more confusion. I'm not sure how long human beings have been trying to figure things out or they've been attempting to communicate with each other, but I can assure people that therapists are some of the worst people at helping people communicate what they're are actually thinking and helping them figure out why things are happening. 

It takes more than 40 minutes every two to 4 weeks to learn what "makes some one tick", you need to give people homework, so they can figure themselves out. 

How the hell can you have therapists trying to help other people, when these therapists don't even understand themselves?

I feel like I totally wasted my time, I tried my hardest talking to these people, I was willing to open myself up totally to these people, but I don't feel like anyone ever listened, and think my records reflect that, these doctors and therapists never took my issues seriously. No one ever really wanted to talk. I don't even understand what therapy is all about anymore, especially now that I've figured out so many of my issues "on my own" and seeing what I had to go through to figure it out.

Saturday April 18th did the Westfield wild water canoe races my brother and Joe Ferrero got first place in the Coleman class and I got 4th place with Dennis Olisky

May 19, 2009

Picture below is of a baby goose that I caught, I never miss the opportunity to chase down baby geese and take a picture. lol They're super soft and feel like they'd be snuggly, I don't know when I started doing this, but I love it. lol

June

Vermont with my dad by the river we saw these butterfly's

It was around June that DB and her kids moved out and her kids moved out. Early in the school year, I was in our backyard with Darlene, her kids and Dominic, I was pulling the kids down the slide of the swing set with a fort and slide. I was yanking the kids down the slide and flinging them onto a pile of chair cushions we had stacked at the bottom.  These were plastic slides, and they came in two pieces. When I put it together, I didn’t notice that some of these screws were longer than they should’ve been, it had caused the plastic to deform slightly and the tip of one screw was 

 At one point Darlene’s daughter got a scratch on her leg. I’m not sure where it was on her leg, but she didn’t say anything when it happened. When her daughter went to school the next day, a teacher noticed the scratch and asked her what happened, she told the teacher that she got the scratch playing on the side slide with the kids and me. That started a DCF investigation. 

That woman from DCF was so rude and so disrespectful that I wanted punch her in the face. I have no problem saying that now because I’m gonna record every single conversation I have with every state worker ever so I don’t have these kind of fucking problems. That fracking bitch tried to imply that I intentionally hurt that young girl, and that I knew that the tip of the screw had began to press through the plastic, That fracking bitch told me I did it on purpose and I argued with her on the phone for a couple weeks and she insisted on a face-to-face meeting with me, Even though she already came and checked the backyard and saw what had caused the scratch. It was fracking pathetic, this screw was sticking out just enough to scratch your skin, but not enough to cause a serious Injury ever, it was close to a grain of fucking sand, but when I was yanking her down the slide, her weight and the momentum caught that spot just right.

Thinking about that fracking bitch still pisses me off. That Stupid scunt said I intentionally hurt that young girl by yanking her down the slide and not checking to see if there is a tiny piece of plastic out or noticed that it had deformed. lol That fucking bitch implied that I tried to hurt my nephew as well because I was doing the same thing with him.

It’s funny when I asked her daughter after the fact why she didn’t say anything to anyone, She told me she was having so much and she didn’t want me to stop yanking them down the slide. 

Unfortunately, that ruined things with Darlene And I. It caused all kinds of stress for absolutely no reason.

June 10 found baby raccoons in the street at work. One girl thought she heard screaming and it was these little guys.

I have some video of Dom spinning around in circles here at 5 mile pond as well I'm pretty sure that's my old boat motor I'll have to look as in pictures but I used to love going to 5 mile. I still love going to 5 mile I just don't have a boat anymore.

Cool little milk snake I caught at my cousin Ellie's house

July 6 I won a karaoke contest when the Jägermeister crew came to Mingle's bar and they asked people to sing a song and change one of the words to Jager. So instead of pour some sugar on me I sang pour some Jager on me instead. It was so hot, sticky sweet, pour some Jager on my meat. yeah lol

July of each trip to Old Lyme Beach it definitely is not as cool as Misquamicut in Rhode Island I need to fix the spelling I'm not fixing that right now

I went to see my dad of Vermont a couple times probably have pictures

July 12 This picture was taken at Misquamicut Beach in Rhode Island I'm pretty sure this is the day I met Frank

July 27 Inflatable shark I won from the karaoke contest with the Jagermeister crew

August 8 back to Misquamicut,  Frank and I

September

I started dating JJ around this time, we went to visit Dennis and Jen a few times, We had fires by the burn barrel in the back yard and watched UFC 

September I tried speaking to doctors about treating my adhd I was having trouble sleeping at the time and I was also having anxiety and erectile dysfunction but they acted like they didn't believe me. doctors looked at me and thought I was fantastic looking and I must be faking.

 September 14 CT river with gang

Big E

 I ran into my cousin Kenny, his two sons and his best friend Shawn at the Big E, it was great seeing him, I hadn't seen him since his last band jig.

JJ and I were walking west on the road with the shops, we were heading towards the state buildings. I remember feeling like crap, but I perked right up when I saw him. Kenny was the same as I remembered him, warm, inviting. Granted he was my younger cousin, but I never got the impression that he judged me for any of the things I had been through, we just never got a chance to talk about anything, it never came up and we just stopped talking when things with the family became strained,

It was around this time that I noticed having erectile dysfunction for the first time. lol needless to say, that was a mind fuck, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, I felt empty inside, I had to make sure I agreed to do things with people or I noticed I didn't have the energy to do anything. I was just forcing myself to go out, I noticed I didn't feel like I enjoyed things as much, even though nothing had changed. 

October 17, 2009

Hiking at Quabbin with JJ

October 24 Caught this little snake at Paul's apartment in Stafford before I started becoming terrified of snakes for some reason. This is the first time in years that I'd seen a snake and picked one up. Touched a snake this small since I was a teenager

November I went to visit my uncle Chet in Austin we went to inner space cavern we went San Antonio and instead of letting me get out and visit the Alamo he just pointed to it as as we drove by lol He said look there it is and that was the end of that. lol 

I felt like complete garbage here I was listening to evacuate the dance floor, lol My uncle gave me shit while putting up crown molding, I'd never done it before, and he bought the tools and wanted me to do it for him, and then it got to this weird funky corner call my outside corner not a inside corner, on I never cut one like that before and I wanted to take my time. then he started getting pissy, So I told him that he knew how to do it, he could, but I wasn't gonna rush I didn't know, he went out into the garage, And then he came back and apologized and said he didn't know what he was doing. lol I told him I wasn't trying to be a Dick,, but I didn't know what I was doing, I want to take my time and, and I was sick at the time, so I was paying extra attention, I had wicked anxiety, everything felt overwhelming. 

This inner space cavern in the picture below was awesome, I guess they had a skull in there and robbers tried to steal it, and destroyed it, I've always loved exploring I wish we could have gone areas. I do to a cave with Dominic in the future, But that came was freezing in New York.

I'm pretty sure the statue in the picture below is in San Antonio. they have a river walk down there, it was really pretty. This is one of those times where I thought my uncle was a pompous ass. We had spent the day in San Antonio it was gorgeous, we went to some needle and got to overlook the city and I was really looking forward to seeing the Alamo. And on our Way back we drove by the Alamo. My uncle said there it is, he didn't even slow down, and we drove back to his house in Austin. I mean I'm sure it wasn't anything special, but I love exploring places, So maybe if I go back next time, oh good to see you then.

I can't remember which bar this was but I sang some karaoke while I was down there, Normally when I sing home by Daughtry I feel pretty confident but not this time, I had so much anxiety, I felt like everybody was watching me, and I knew and nobody was really paying attention, everyone was just having a good time, This wasn't a concert. lol But I remember super uncomfortable, and I couldn't explain it. But I was still an awesome time, everyone here was so nice and friendly, And we went country line dancing before or after this, On a different night of course. I had never been country line dancing before, and they did some swing dancing, or had a partner and he danced in a circle then the whole group danced around this giant dance floor, it was a blast, I'm not usually a huge fan of country music, but really got us moving, And I'm not a dancer.

There area picture of me in Vermont with a pillow over my head sleeping in my dad's trailer, I also remember laying in field this summer or fall, a remember I was dating JJ, I remember I wanted to hangout with my da, I wanted to look for shooting stars together, but he told me to go watch alone, he gave me a pair of binoculars, and then I laid out there and had an anxiety attack. lol

I went to Texas and then when I got home I started working for that Connecticut group home

2009 Ct group home 2009

December 22 Dom falls in stream

Medications for the year.

 

1978-1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988, 1989,

 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996,

 1997, 1998, 1999, 

2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 

2010, 2011, 

2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 

2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025, 2026